I can make playlists, too!

so gosh, it seemed like EVERYBODY was making new playlists today! sheena, KC, callie, everybody.. SO, i made one too! this one is really.. random. as always. so, i hope you enjoy! so far, i'm REALY liking it :)

it left some off, so here are the ones at the bottom;

-how to save a life; the fray

-100 years; Five for Fighting

-I don't want to wait; Paula Cole

-Babylon; David Gray

-Stolen; Dashboard Confessional

-Smile; Uncle Cracker

so yeah, super cheesey, haha, but thats OK. and yeah, i'm kinda addicted to SGAHFM, chuuuknowwwittttt Sheena!

enjoy :)

To whom it may concern..

I am hereby officially tendering my resignation as an adult. I have decided I would like to accept the responsibilities of an 8 year old again. I want
to go to McDonald's and think that it's a four star restaurant. I want to sail sticks across a fresh mud puddle and make ripples with rocks. I want to
think M&Ms are better than money because you can eat them. I want to play dodgeball at recess and paint with watercolors in art. I want to lie under a
big oak tree and run a lemonade stand with my friends on a hot summer's day.

I want to return to a time when life was simple. When all you knew were colors, multiplication tables, and nursery rhymes, but that didn't bother you,
because you didn't know what you didn't know and you didn't care. All you knew was to be happy because you were blissfully unaware of all the things
that should make you worried or upset.

I want to think the world is fair. That everyone is honest and good. I want to believe that anything is possible. Somewhere in our youth, we matured
and learned too much. There are nuclear weapons, war, prejudice, and abused children. Lies, unhappy marriages, illness, pain, and death. A world where
companies poison our water and our soil, and children kill. What happened to the time when we thought that everyone would live forever, because we
didn't grasp the concept of death? When the worst thing in the world was if someone took the jump rope from you or picked you last for kickball. I
want to be oblivious to the complexities of life and be overly excited by the little things again. I want to return to the days when children played
hide-n-seek outside instead of being glued to a television, when video games were as harmless as Pac-Man...instead of spine-ripping, blood-splattering
mind numbers like Mortal Combat, and TV still had some shows on that weren't about sex, killing, and lies.

I remember being naive and thinking everyone was happy because I was. Afternoons were spent climbing trees and fences and riding my bike. I never
worried about time, bills, or where I was going to find the money to fix my car. I used to wonder what I was going to do or be when I grew up, not
worry about what I'll do if this doesn't work out. I want to live simple again.

I don't want my day to consist of computer crashes, mountains of paperwork, depressing news, how to survive more days in the month than there is money
in the bank, doctor bills, gossip, illness, and loss of loved ones. I want to believe in the power of smiles, hugs, a kind word, truth, justice,
peace, dreams, the imagination, mankind, and making angels in the snow.

So.... here's my checkbook and my car-keys, my credit card bills and my 401K statements. I am officially resigning from adulthood. And if you want to
discuss this further, you'll have to catch me first, cause, "Tag! You're it."

okay. i realize i'm only 17, and not an 'adult', but this made me smile, so yeah. enjoy!

agree?

maybe we expect more from others because we would be willing to do THAT much for them...

music & such..

So. Last night, I asked sheen for her workout playlist. So, she posted
it on her blog, and after I about killed myself from running, we
started talking. About music; not that that surprising, we talk alot
about music. But idk how, ibstarred talking about older country.
Theeeeen I got to thinking about how miss Peggy and mr. Gearld tought
me about music when I was little. And sherlin would come and we'd
dance around and stuff. And one of the earliest songs I can remember
is "you don't seem to miss me" by patty loveless and george jones. And
athe ripe ol age of 5, I didn't really know what it was about. But now
I get it... But anyway. I never really thought about it, but hey
tought me to love music. Everytime we'd get in the car, the radio
would come on, and that's when I fell on love with country.

And then Sheena and I started talking about genre's. And we decided
that there needs to be 2 genres. New country, and country. George
jones, patty lovless, george straight, Kenny chesney, Garth Brooks,
Vince gill, Martina mcbride, Tim McGraw, brad paisley, etc. Belong in
the country genre.

Taylor swift, Carrie underwood, keith urban, dierks bentley, billy
currington, Jason aldean, lady a. zac brown band, Kellie pickler,
Julianne hough, James Otto, would be in the other one.

Now don't get me wrong. I love both groups, just differently. The
first ones are the classics. THe legends. The people who made country
what it is. The new group is defining it. They get highschool girls
through the bad days. Give us something to look at :) ya know

So wow, that was kinda pointless. Ohh well. I'll always remember
patty& George singing, and falling in love with country music :)

Xoxo, jo

am i completely crazy? i think i'm completely crazy.

okay. so. the holiday is on. the movie.. its REALLY good. i love it. FLOVE jude law! actually, i'm not WATCHING it, moms watching it in the other room & i'm listening. and i'm in my room on Andrew, writing this. soo.. yeah. okay. anyway, on to why i think i'm abs. crazy.

i saw this movie last year, 3 days before christmas, with sherlon & miss peggy. sherlon & i had went out to eat at the cheesecake factory, got our make up done @ bobbi brown, and shopped. we started at like, 3pm, and got home at like, 10, and then watched the movie. i finally went to bed around 1:30, haha. SUCH an amazing day. and listening now, i declare i'm back in their living room, sipping french vanilla coffe, miss peggy ANNOYINGLY quoting everything they say, snuggle up on the couch with a blanket, and sherlon at the other end. and i want to BAWL. just weep like crazy. cry my eyes out. why? I HAVE NO FREAKING EARTHLY IDEA! gah! like, am i longing the sense of 'perfectness' that day? or just the simplicity. or just, everything was 'right' then, as far as personal drama.

OR, maybe its cause i love CHRISTMAS time SOOO much, i just, miss it. or i don't know.

but i'm practically crying just thinking about that day. i want to go back to that day. that day beasted. majorly. SO much.

&i'm like that about other days too. but that day REALLY sticks out right now.

i don't know. i know i'm probably really crazy, and i probably need a shrink, and i'm so so so so sorry.

is it THAT hard to have a backbone?

I am just SO, SO SO SO freaking sick and tired of people NOT having a backbone. not being able to stand up for what they believe in. for not being able to stay true to their word.

the last one REALLY gets under my skin. some kinda bad. it honestly makes me want to smack people. and its like, gah, its okay if we DISAGREE on stuff, just, don't agree with me cause its easier, then when the time comes, completely leave me standing alone.

it just seems like, now, its easier to just keep going back on your word & lying than to keep your word & stand by your beliefs.

what happened to me?

where did i go? when did i lose myself? who i am now is NOT who i used to be. and, to some extent, thats good.. but there's one part of me that is SO different.

now, EVERYTIME i hear a sad song, i break down crying. i cry SO much more than i used to. if i read a freaking fictional story about somebody dying, i start crying. cry over ANYTHING now. not, a like, oh my gosh she said i was fat! kinda way, but like.. death-way. i mean, i'm SO emotional now and thats NOT who i am. i'm the strong one. i'm the one who people come to when they need help and a shoulder to cry on.

and now, everytime i see her freaking picture or hear a song or read a FREAKING STORY i just, lose it. and maybe i need to get it out. for a while after grandma godwin died i would cry at night, but it was never like this. i had one BIG bad breakdown adn then it was just, better. but not this. it won't end.

and maybe i need to get it all out? idk. but, its like, i don't know. i don't know what to say. cause i (in a sense) don't know who i am anymore. all i can do is think about the future and how she won't be there. and that just abs. kills me. sooooo much. it tears. me. down. and it holds me down. i mean, i barely made it through my first birthday party without her. what about graduation? its only months away. going of to college? she always said she wasn't going to let me go, and she was going to move in with me. and she always said she was gonna shoot the first boy i brought home cause nobody was good enough for her ta-ta. i was her ta-ta. that was really like the only real 'nickname/pet name' i ever had, other than what daddy calls me. and i know its stupid, but i miss her calling me that SO much. and i'm afraid of when i wont' be able to remember her voice. the way her skin smelled. the way her face had those funky wrinkles. how when i would spend the night with them, she would put her face cream on me too, even tho it was for old women. and how when i was a little girl, she would give me a bath in their tub even tho i was big enough to take one on my own, and how she had that old cracker barrel cup that she rinsed me off with. what happens when i can't remember that? what happens when, i just, don't have those memories? what do i remember then? how do i remember her?

i'm afraid. what happens at my wedding when my 'grandparent' isle is empty? (other than papa) when my kids want to know about my grandma? why they don't have a great-grandma?

i remember that she had these shoes, that were like, 50 thousand years old, haha. they were these flip flops she bought in key-west, and they were pink & purple & green & blue. and i LOVED them. probably because they were colorful. and she had this outfit, it was just like, a cotton shirt & shorts, in this wierd floral material. and i loved it SO SO SO SO SO much. i have NO idea why. but every year on my birthday, she would always wear that outfit and those shoes. they didn't match, oh goodness they didn't match. but she always wore them, because they were my favorite. and idk, i just remembered that.. prolly from the time i was 4, up until my 16th birthday party.. she always wore it. even when it had holes, she always wore it.

and of my 17th she didn't.