okay. so. the holiday is on. the movie.. its REALLY good. i love it. FLOVE jude law! actually, i'm not WATCHING it, moms watching it in the other room & i'm listening. and i'm in my room on Andrew, writing this. soo.. yeah. okay. anyway, on to why i think i'm abs. crazy.
i saw this movie last year, 3 days before christmas, with sherlon & miss peggy. sherlon & i had went out to eat at the cheesecake factory, got our make up done @ bobbi brown, and shopped. we started at like, 3pm, and got home at like, 10, and then watched the movie. i finally went to bed around 1:30, haha. SUCH an amazing day. and listening now, i declare i'm back in their living room, sipping french vanilla coffe, miss peggy ANNOYINGLY quoting everything they say, snuggle up on the couch with a blanket, and sherlon at the other end. and i want to BAWL. just weep like crazy. cry my eyes out. why? I HAVE NO FREAKING EARTHLY IDEA! gah! like, am i longing the sense of 'perfectness' that day? or just the simplicity. or just, everything was 'right' then, as far as personal drama.
OR, maybe its cause i love CHRISTMAS time SOOO much, i just, miss it. or i don't know.
but i'm practically crying just thinking about that day. i want to go back to that day. that day beasted. majorly. SO much.
&i'm like that about other days too. but that day REALLY sticks out right now.
i don't know. i know i'm probably really crazy, and i probably need a shrink, and i'm so so so so sorry.
Friday, September 11, 2009
is it THAT hard to have a backbone?
I am just SO, SO SO SO freaking sick and tired of people NOT having a backbone. not being able to stand up for what they believe in. for not being able to stay true to their word.
the last one REALLY gets under my skin. some kinda bad. it honestly makes me want to smack people. and its like, gah, its okay if we DISAGREE on stuff, just, don't agree with me cause its easier, then when the time comes, completely leave me standing alone.
it just seems like, now, its easier to just keep going back on your word & lying than to keep your word & stand by your beliefs.
the last one REALLY gets under my skin. some kinda bad. it honestly makes me want to smack people. and its like, gah, its okay if we DISAGREE on stuff, just, don't agree with me cause its easier, then when the time comes, completely leave me standing alone.
it just seems like, now, its easier to just keep going back on your word & lying than to keep your word & stand by your beliefs.
Monday, September 7, 2009
what happened to me?
where did i go? when did i lose myself? who i am now is NOT who i used to be. and, to some extent, thats good.. but there's one part of me that is SO different.
now, EVERYTIME i hear a sad song, i break down crying. i cry SO much more than i used to. if i read a freaking fictional story about somebody dying, i start crying. cry over ANYTHING now. not, a like, oh my gosh she said i was fat! kinda way, but like.. death-way. i mean, i'm SO emotional now and thats NOT who i am. i'm the strong one. i'm the one who people come to when they need help and a shoulder to cry on.
and now, everytime i see her freaking picture or hear a song or read a FREAKING STORY i just, lose it. and maybe i need to get it out. for a while after grandma godwin died i would cry at night, but it was never like this. i had one BIG bad breakdown adn then it was just, better. but not this. it won't end.
and maybe i need to get it all out? idk. but, its like, i don't know. i don't know what to say. cause i (in a sense) don't know who i am anymore. all i can do is think about the future and how she won't be there. and that just abs. kills me. sooooo much. it tears. me. down. and it holds me down. i mean, i barely made it through my first birthday party without her. what about graduation? its only months away. going of to college? she always said she wasn't going to let me go, and she was going to move in with me. and she always said she was gonna shoot the first boy i brought home cause nobody was good enough for her ta-ta. i was her ta-ta. that was really like the only real 'nickname/pet name' i ever had, other than what daddy calls me. and i know its stupid, but i miss her calling me that SO much. and i'm afraid of when i wont' be able to remember her voice. the way her skin smelled. the way her face had those funky wrinkles. how when i would spend the night with them, she would put her face cream on me too, even tho it was for old women. and how when i was a little girl, she would give me a bath in their tub even tho i was big enough to take one on my own, and how she had that old cracker barrel cup that she rinsed me off with. what happens when i can't remember that? what happens when, i just, don't have those memories? what do i remember then? how do i remember her?
i'm afraid. what happens at my wedding when my 'grandparent' isle is empty? (other than papa) when my kids want to know about my grandma? why they don't have a great-grandma?
i remember that she had these shoes, that were like, 50 thousand years old, haha. they were these flip flops she bought in key-west, and they were pink & purple & green & blue. and i LOVED them. probably because they were colorful. and she had this outfit, it was just like, a cotton shirt & shorts, in this wierd floral material. and i loved it SO SO SO SO SO much. i have NO idea why. but every year on my birthday, she would always wear that outfit and those shoes. they didn't match, oh goodness they didn't match. but she always wore them, because they were my favorite. and idk, i just remembered that.. prolly from the time i was 4, up until my 16th birthday party.. she always wore it. even when it had holes, she always wore it.
and of my 17th she didn't.
now, EVERYTIME i hear a sad song, i break down crying. i cry SO much more than i used to. if i read a freaking fictional story about somebody dying, i start crying. cry over ANYTHING now. not, a like, oh my gosh she said i was fat! kinda way, but like.. death-way. i mean, i'm SO emotional now and thats NOT who i am. i'm the strong one. i'm the one who people come to when they need help and a shoulder to cry on.
and now, everytime i see her freaking picture or hear a song or read a FREAKING STORY i just, lose it. and maybe i need to get it out. for a while after grandma godwin died i would cry at night, but it was never like this. i had one BIG bad breakdown adn then it was just, better. but not this. it won't end.
and maybe i need to get it all out? idk. but, its like, i don't know. i don't know what to say. cause i (in a sense) don't know who i am anymore. all i can do is think about the future and how she won't be there. and that just abs. kills me. sooooo much. it tears. me. down. and it holds me down. i mean, i barely made it through my first birthday party without her. what about graduation? its only months away. going of to college? she always said she wasn't going to let me go, and she was going to move in with me. and she always said she was gonna shoot the first boy i brought home cause nobody was good enough for her ta-ta. i was her ta-ta. that was really like the only real 'nickname/pet name' i ever had, other than what daddy calls me. and i know its stupid, but i miss her calling me that SO much. and i'm afraid of when i wont' be able to remember her voice. the way her skin smelled. the way her face had those funky wrinkles. how when i would spend the night with them, she would put her face cream on me too, even tho it was for old women. and how when i was a little girl, she would give me a bath in their tub even tho i was big enough to take one on my own, and how she had that old cracker barrel cup that she rinsed me off with. what happens when i can't remember that? what happens when, i just, don't have those memories? what do i remember then? how do i remember her?
i'm afraid. what happens at my wedding when my 'grandparent' isle is empty? (other than papa) when my kids want to know about my grandma? why they don't have a great-grandma?
i remember that she had these shoes, that were like, 50 thousand years old, haha. they were these flip flops she bought in key-west, and they were pink & purple & green & blue. and i LOVED them. probably because they were colorful. and she had this outfit, it was just like, a cotton shirt & shorts, in this wierd floral material. and i loved it SO SO SO SO SO much. i have NO idea why. but every year on my birthday, she would always wear that outfit and those shoes. they didn't match, oh goodness they didn't match. but she always wore them, because they were my favorite. and idk, i just remembered that.. prolly from the time i was 4, up until my 16th birthday party.. she always wore it. even when it had holes, she always wore it.
and of my 17th she didn't.
6 months & 1 day.
woooo! i cannot. simply cannot believe i've known annie for 6 months. feels like, 6 decades. but shes a baby so thats impossible. but yeah. she is so... crazy, and wild, and predictable yet i'm always surprised at what she does/says. i have a tonnnnnn of control over her, its like, crazy. and i've taught her awot too. but she's tought me a wots too! so, since i'm the one thats good with the sweet stuff, i'm gonna try and be sweet, haha.
she ALWAYS makes me laugh. well, its more like a, eyes big as saucers, mouth in an "O" and eye brows reachign the stars kinda way.. but she never fails.
she's put up wiht more of my *crap than anybody.
she knows me (scarily) wayyyy too well.
we have SO many inside jokes i can't remember them all.
we have the BEST game ever, called 3-2. :) be jealous.
SHE can turn ANYTHING into some really slutty comment. but its okay, cause i kinda made her that way (with the help of Sheena, of course)
i'm gradually making her a football fan.
i make fun of her alot but she knows i don't mean it :)
she's going to teach me how to twirl a baton thingey, she just doesn't know it yet.
shes like, the most goth-rocker chick girl i've ever met, and she thinks thats insaneeee.
i have changed her SO much. like, yeah.
i make her laugh alot too.
she's perfectly okay with a vegas wedding.
she's fully prepared for me to turn into bridezilla.
she's the best researcher EVER, and she will be fully reimbursed eventually :)
i use up all of her minutes, but thats okay.
i practically own her facebook profile.
aaaand shes just... one of my favorite friends ever.
&idk where i'd be w/o her.
so this is for you, mrs. annie rose peleckie trevor drumma booiiiii colletti!
she ALWAYS makes me laugh. well, its more like a, eyes big as saucers, mouth in an "O" and eye brows reachign the stars kinda way.. but she never fails.
she's put up wiht more of my *crap than anybody.
she knows me (scarily) wayyyy too well.
we have SO many inside jokes i can't remember them all.
we have the BEST game ever, called 3-2. :) be jealous.
SHE can turn ANYTHING into some really slutty comment. but its okay, cause i kinda made her that way (with the help of Sheena, of course)
i'm gradually making her a football fan.
i make fun of her alot but she knows i don't mean it :)
she's going to teach me how to twirl a baton thingey, she just doesn't know it yet.
shes like, the most goth-rocker chick girl i've ever met, and she thinks thats insaneeee.
i have changed her SO much. like, yeah.
i make her laugh alot too.
she's perfectly okay with a vegas wedding.
she's fully prepared for me to turn into bridezilla.
she's the best researcher EVER, and she will be fully reimbursed eventually :)
i use up all of her minutes, but thats okay.
i practically own her facebook profile.
aaaand shes just... one of my favorite friends ever.
&idk where i'd be w/o her.
so this is for you, mrs. annie rose peleckie trevor drumma booiiiii colletti!
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
loved & lost?
Got a date a week from Friday with a preacher's son
Everybody says he's crazy
I'll have to wait and see
I finally moved to Jackson when the summer came
I won't have to pay that boy to rake my leaves
I'm probably going on and on
It seems I'm doing more of that these days
I probably wouldn't be this way
I probably wouldn't hurt so bad
I never pictured every minute without you in it
Oh You left so fast
Sometimes I see you standing there
Sometimes it's like I'm losing touch
Sometimes I feel like I'm so lucky to have had the chance to love this much
God gave me a moment's grace
'Cause if I'd never seen your face
I probably wouldn't be this way
Mama says that I just shouldn't speak to you
Susan says that I should just move on
You oughta see the way these people look at me
When they see me 'round here talking to this stone
Everybody thinks I've lost my mind
But I just take it day by day
I probably wouldn't be this way
I probably wouldn't hurt so bad
I never pictured every minute without you in it
Oh You left so fast
Sometimes I see you standing there
Sometimes I feel an angel's touch
Sometimes I feel like I'm so lucky to have had the chance to love this much
God gave me a moment's grace
'Cause if I'd never seen your face
I probably wouldn't be this way
Probably wouldn't be this way
Got A Date a week from Friday with a preacher's son
Everybody says I'm crazy
I'll have to wait and see
so. its more about losing her husband than a grandparent, but still seems somewhat fitting. & i promise, all my posts won't always be this depressing & sad! haha. but, like the song says, ya know, what if you never met the person? what if you never loved them? never got to know everything about them? theirs likes, their dislikes? would you be any better? sometimes i think so, but then, i realize i never got to meet my grandpa godwin. daddy's dad. and i often think about him. everybody talks about him, but i would have really liked to have known him. just, to know him. even if i could just meet him for a day, i think it'd be so cool. what would he tell me? what adivice would he give me? what would he teach me how to do? would he be proud of me? would he like Parker? would he come to my horse shows? now, obviously, the answer to those last 3 questions are yes, but still.. what area of life would he be REALLY good at?
my papa is AMAZING at any kind of animal question. he knows so much abotu them. and he knows what all the crops are in the fields, too. so what would grandpa godwin know? what would he teach me? grandma godwin tought me how to sew. grandma tought me how to cook, and medical stuff. papa teaches me how to dress birds, and hunt, and take care of animals.
so, even tho i'm really sad about what happened with grandma, i still learned SO much. and yes, if i never met her, i wouldn't be this sad and depressed & have such a different look on life, but look at what else i would be missing out on! i woudln't have an AMAZING pearl necklace that my papa gives me pearls for, i woudln't know how to make biscuits that are HEAVENLY. i woudln't know how to properly clean a wound. i woudln't know how to hem pants. i woudln't know how to fry steak, or pick fruit from the store. and i could go on and on and ON about all the things she tought me.
so, is it better to have loved & lost than to have never loved it all? well for me, its better to have loved & lost. cause i have the memories to soothe the pain, a horse to wipe the tears, and friends to hug.
agree?
Everybody says he's crazy
I'll have to wait and see
I finally moved to Jackson when the summer came
I won't have to pay that boy to rake my leaves
I'm probably going on and on
It seems I'm doing more of that these days
I probably wouldn't be this way
I probably wouldn't hurt so bad
I never pictured every minute without you in it
Oh You left so fast
Sometimes I see you standing there
Sometimes it's like I'm losing touch
Sometimes I feel like I'm so lucky to have had the chance to love this much
God gave me a moment's grace
'Cause if I'd never seen your face
I probably wouldn't be this way
Mama says that I just shouldn't speak to you
Susan says that I should just move on
You oughta see the way these people look at me
When they see me 'round here talking to this stone
Everybody thinks I've lost my mind
But I just take it day by day
I probably wouldn't be this way
I probably wouldn't hurt so bad
I never pictured every minute without you in it
Oh You left so fast
Sometimes I see you standing there
Sometimes I feel an angel's touch
Sometimes I feel like I'm so lucky to have had the chance to love this much
God gave me a moment's grace
'Cause if I'd never seen your face
I probably wouldn't be this way
Probably wouldn't be this way
Got A Date a week from Friday with a preacher's son
Everybody says I'm crazy
I'll have to wait and see
so. its more about losing her husband than a grandparent, but still seems somewhat fitting. & i promise, all my posts won't always be this depressing & sad! haha. but, like the song says, ya know, what if you never met the person? what if you never loved them? never got to know everything about them? theirs likes, their dislikes? would you be any better? sometimes i think so, but then, i realize i never got to meet my grandpa godwin. daddy's dad. and i often think about him. everybody talks about him, but i would have really liked to have known him. just, to know him. even if i could just meet him for a day, i think it'd be so cool. what would he tell me? what adivice would he give me? what would he teach me how to do? would he be proud of me? would he like Parker? would he come to my horse shows? now, obviously, the answer to those last 3 questions are yes, but still.. what area of life would he be REALLY good at?
my papa is AMAZING at any kind of animal question. he knows so much abotu them. and he knows what all the crops are in the fields, too. so what would grandpa godwin know? what would he teach me? grandma godwin tought me how to sew. grandma tought me how to cook, and medical stuff. papa teaches me how to dress birds, and hunt, and take care of animals.
so, even tho i'm really sad about what happened with grandma, i still learned SO much. and yes, if i never met her, i wouldn't be this sad and depressed & have such a different look on life, but look at what else i would be missing out on! i woudln't have an AMAZING pearl necklace that my papa gives me pearls for, i woudln't know how to make biscuits that are HEAVENLY. i woudln't know how to properly clean a wound. i woudln't know how to hem pants. i woudln't know how to fry steak, or pick fruit from the store. and i could go on and on and ON about all the things she tought me.
so, is it better to have loved & lost than to have never loved it all? well for me, its better to have loved & lost. cause i have the memories to soothe the pain, a horse to wipe the tears, and friends to hug.
agree?
Sunday, August 30, 2009
I love her <3
TriGerAlandSlide (11:23:03 PM): "can i borrow your field?"
nvr lose hope92 (11:23:05 PM): mrs. austin nichols
nvr lose hope92 (11:23:10 PM): & mrs. will
nvr lose hope92 (11:23:12 PM): why yes, yes you can!
TriGerAlandSlide (11:23:15 PM): this is amazing.
TriGerAlandSlide (11:23:19 PM): i love our lives
nvr lose hope92 (11:23:27 PM): i love you for being in my life
TriGerAlandSlide (11:23:27 PM): spesh cause ur my friend
TriGerAlandSlide (11:23:31 PM):
nvr lose hope92 (11:23:34 PM):
nvr lose hope92 (11:23:43 PM): youz mah bass fraaaaan
TriGerAlandSlide (11:24:00 PM): likewise! dont make me cry
nvr lose hope92 (11:24:20 PM): cuz you sang me SWEET SILVER LINING when muh grammie died and i still play it when i'm sad and it makes me cryyyyy cause your so sweet
nvr lose hope92 (11:24:21 PM):
TriGerAlandSlide (11:24:23 PM): ive got u makin me cry! and millie writing down the things that evil bitch mom told brooke she couldnt dooo
TriGerAlandSlide (11:24:31 PM):
nvr lose hope92 (11:24:37 PM): you've got me makin me cry
TriGerAlandSlide (11:24:49 PM): !!!
TriGerAlandSlide (11:24:59 PM): im not good with words, out loud...
TriGerAlandSlide (11:25:06 PM): but i can write, and sing.. horrribly
nvr lose hope92 (11:25:12 PM): you sing WONDERFULLY
nvr lose hope92 (11:25:14 PM): so shut up
TriGerAlandSlide (11:25:27 PM): NO I DONT
nvr lose hope92 (11:25:30 PM): YES YOU DO
nvr lose hope92 (11:25:36 PM): YOU SING GOOD
TriGerAlandSlide (11:25:40 PM): I DO NO!
TriGerAlandSlide (11:25:43 PM): T
TriGerAlandSlide (11:25:45 PM): NOT
nvr lose hope92 (11:25:45 PM): and thats super sized
nvr lose hope92 (11:25:47 PM): YES
nvr lose hope92 (11:25:48 PM): YOU
nvr lose hope92 (11:25:49 PM): DO
nvr lose hope92 (11:25:50 PM): SING
nvr lose hope92 (11:25:53 PM): VERY
nvr lose hope92 (11:25:53 PM): WELL
nvr lose hope92 (11:25:54 PM): AND
nvr lose hope92 (11:25:54 PM): YOU
nvr lose hope92 (11:25:55 PM): NEED
nvr lose hope92 (11:25:56 PM): TO
nvr lose hope92 (11:25:56 PM): HAVE
nvr lose hope92 (11:25:57 PM): SOME
nvr lose hope92 (11:25:58 PM): FAITH
nvr lose hope92 (11:25:58 PM): IN
nvr lose hope92 (11:26:00 PM): YOURSELF
nvr lose hope92 (11:26:01 PM): CAUSE
nvr lose hope92 (11:26:02 PM): YOU
nvr lose hope92 (11:26:03 PM): BOMB
nvr lose hope92 (11:26:04 PM): SINGING!
nvr lose hope92 (11:26:05 PM): IN A
nvr lose hope92 (11:26:06 PM): GOOD
nvr lose hope92 (11:26:07 PM): WAY
nvr lose hope92 (11:26:07 PM): SO
nvr lose hope92 (11:26:08 PM): SHUT
nvr lose hope92 (11:26:09 PM): UP
nvr lose hope92 (11:26:10 PM): NOW
TriGerAlandSlide (11:26:13 PM): JORDAN
TriGerAlandSlide (11:26:15 PM): Taylor
TriGerAlandSlide (11:26:17 PM): GOODWIN
TriGerAlandSlide (11:26:19 PM): YOU
TriGerAlandSlide (11:26:19 PM): ARE
TriGerAlandSlide (11:26:20 PM): THE
TriGerAlandSlide (11:26:23 PM): SWEETEST
TriGerAlandSlide (11:26:24 PM): PERSON
TriGerAlandSlide (11:26:24 PM): EVER
TriGerAlandSlide (11:26:27 PM): STOP
TriGerAlandSlide (11:26:27 PM): IT
TriGerAlandSlide (11:26:30 PM): CAUSE
TriGerAlandSlide (11:26:31 PM): YOU
TriGerAlandSlide (11:26:32 PM): ARE
TriGerAlandSlide (11:26:33 PM): MAKING
TriGerAlandSlide (11:26:34 PM): ME
TriGerAlandSlide (11:26:36 PM): CRY
TriGerAlandSlide (11:26:38 PM): AND
TriGerAlandSlide (11:26:39 PM): I
TriGerAlandSlide (11:26:41 PM): DONT
TriGerAlandSlide (11:26:43 PM): LIKE
TriGerAlandSlide (11:26:46 PM): IT
TriGerAlandSlide (11:26:49 PM): AT
nvr lose hope92 (11:26:50 PM): WELL
nvr lose hope92 (11:26:50 PM): TOO
nvr lose hope92 (11:26:51 PM): BAD
TriGerAlandSlide (11:26:51 PM): ALL
nvr lose hope92 (11:26:52 PM): CAUSE
nvr lose hope92 (11:26:52 PM): YOU
nvr lose hope92 (11:26:53 PM): ARE
nvr lose hope92 (11:26:53 PM): GOOD
TriGerAlandSlide (11:26:54 PM): OKAY
nvr lose hope92 (11:26:54 PM): AT
nvr lose hope92 (11:26:54 PM): LOTS
nvr lose hope92 (11:26:55 PM): OF
nvr lose hope92 (11:26:56 PM): STUFF
nvr lose hope92 (11:26:57 PM): SO
TriGerAlandSlide (11:26:57 PM): I
nvr lose hope92 (11:26:58 PM): IM
nvr lose hope92 (11:26:58 PM): GOING
TriGerAlandSlide (11:26:59 PM): DO
nvr lose hope92 (11:26:59 PM): TO
nvr lose hope92 (11:27:00 PM): TELL
nvr lose hope92 (11:27:01 PM): YOU
TriGerAlandSlide (11:27:02 PM): LIKE
nvr lose hope92 (11:27:02 PM): THAT
nvr lose hope92 (11:27:03 PM): YOUR GOOD
TriGerAlandSlide (11:27:04 PM): IT
TriGerAlandSlide (11:27:09 PM): GRANDMA
TriGerAlandSlide (11:27:10 PM): DEB
TriGerAlandSlide (11:27:15 PM): WEARS
TriGerAlandSlide (11:27:16 PM): TIGHT
TriGerAlandSlide (11:27:18 PM): PANTS
nvr lose hope92 (11:27:20 PM): AND
nvr lose hope92 (11:27:21 PM): SEE
nvr lose hope92 (11:27:21 PM): YOU
nvr lose hope92 (11:27:22 PM): GO
nvr lose hope92 (11:27:22 PM): FROM
nvr lose hope92 (11:27:23 PM): MAKING
nvr lose hope92 (11:27:24 PM): ME
nvr lose hope92 (11:27:24 PM): CRY
nvr lose hope92 (11:27:25 PM): TO
nvr lose hope92 (11:27:27 PM): LAUGH
TriGerAlandSlide (11:27:35 PM): IM
nvr lose hope92 (11:27:36 PM): JUST REASON #22 WHY I LOVE YOU SO MUCH <3
TriGerAlandSlide (11:27:37 PM): AMAZING
TriGerAlandSlide (11:28:08 PM): JAMIE
TriGerAlandSlide (11:28:09 PM): SCOTT
TriGerAlandSlide (11:28:10 PM): IS
TriGerAlandSlide (11:28:10 PM): SO
TriGerAlandSlide (11:28:11 PM): SHORT
TriGerAlandSlide (11:28:13 PM): ITS
TriGerAlandSlide (11:28:16 PM): ADORBALE
nvr lose hope92 (11:28:37 PM): okay, lets forget oth and go back to how amazing we are
nvr lose hope92 (11:28:38 PM): hahahahahah
TriGerAlandSlide (11:28:51 PM): YOU
TriGerAlandSlide (11:28:52 PM): ARE
TriGerAlandSlide (11:28:53 PM): MORE
TriGerAlandSlide (11:28:54 PM): AMAZING
TriGerAlandSlide (11:28:55 PM): THEN
TriGerAlandSlide (11:28:56 PM): ME
TriGerAlandSlide (11:28:58 PM): BECAUSE
TriGerAlandSlide (11:29:03 PM): YOU
TriGerAlandSlide (11:29:04 PM): JUST
TriGerAlandSlide (11:29:04 PM): ARE
TriGerAlandSlide (11:29:06 PM): GOOD
TriGerAlandSlide (11:29:07 PM): FOR
TriGerAlandSlide (11:29:09 PM): YOU?
nvr lose hope92 (11:29:23 PM): wait. what?
nvr lose hope92 (11:29:35 PM): YOU
nvr lose hope92 (11:29:35 PM): ARE
nvr lose hope92 (11:29:36 PM): MORE
nvr lose hope92 (11:29:37 PM): AMAZING
nvr lose hope92 (11:29:38 PM): THAN
nvr lose hope92 (11:29:39 PM): ME
nvr lose hope92 (11:29:39 PM): MOST
nvr lose hope92 (11:29:41 PM): DEFINATELY
nvr lose hope92 (11:29:41 PM): SO
nvr lose hope92 (11:29:42 PM): SHUT
nvr lose hope92 (11:29:43 PM): UP
nvr lose hope92 (11:29:48 PM): END. OF. DISCUSSION.
TriGerAlandSlide (11:29:51 PM): we
TriGerAlandSlide (11:29:52 PM): are
TriGerAlandSlide (11:29:54 PM): both
TriGerAlandSlide (11:30:03 PM): equally
TriGerAlandSlide (11:30:04 PM): as
TriGerAlandSlide (11:30:05 PM): amazing
nvr lose hope92 (11:30:20 PM): yes.
nvr lose hope92 (11:30:20 PM): that
nvr lose hope92 (11:30:21 PM): is
nvr lose hope92 (11:30:21 PM): a
nvr lose hope92 (11:30:22 PM): god
nvr lose hope92 (11:30:24 PM): good*
nvr lose hope92 (11:30:25 PM): assumption
nvr lose hope92 (11:30:26 PM): now
nvr lose hope92 (11:30:26 PM): come
nvr lose hope92 (11:30:27 PM): back
nvr lose hope92 (11:30:27 PM): to
nvr lose hope92 (11:30:28 PM): NC
nvr lose hope92 (11:30:29 PM): and
nvr lose hope92 (11:30:31 PM): i
nvr lose hope92 (11:30:32 PM): will
nvr lose hope92 (11:30:33 PM): get
nvr lose hope92 (11:30:35 PM): you
nvr lose hope92 (11:30:36 PM): a
nvr lose hope92 (11:30:37 PM): southern
nvr lose hope92 (11:30:40 PM): boyfriend
nvr lose hope92 (11:30:41 PM): and
nvr lose hope92 (11:30:42 PM): we'll
nvr lose hope92 (11:30:43 PM): have
nvr lose hope92 (11:30:44 PM): cheesey
nvr lose hope92 (11:30:50 PM): double-dates
TriGerAlandSlide (11:31:20 PM): you
TriGerAlandSlide (11:31:21 PM): need
TriGerAlandSlide (11:31:21 PM): to
TriGerAlandSlide (11:31:23 PM): hook
TriGerAlandSlide (11:31:24 PM): me
TriGerAlandSlide (11:31:25 PM): up
TriGerAlandSlide (11:31:25 PM): with
TriGerAlandSlide (11:31:27 PM): boys
TriGerAlandSlide (11:31:29 PM): through
TriGerAlandSlide (11:31:30 PM): the
TriGerAlandSlide (11:31:32 PM): computer
TriGerAlandSlide (11:31:32 PM): and
TriGerAlandSlide (11:31:33 PM): it
TriGerAlandSlide (11:31:34 PM): will
TriGerAlandSlide (11:31:36 PM): make
TriGerAlandSlide (11:31:37 PM): my
TriGerAlandSlide (11:31:38 PM): life
TriGerAlandSlide (11:31:40 PM): easier
TriGerAlandSlide (11:31:43 PM): when
TriGerAlandSlide (11:31:46 PM): i
TriGerAlandSlide (11:31:48 PM): get
TriGerAlandSlide (11:31:51 PM): there
nvr lose hope92 (11:32:33 PM): OKAY
nvr lose hope92 (11:32:35 PM): i
nvr lose hope92 (11:32:36 PM): will
nvr lose hope92 (11:32:37 PM): get
nvr lose hope92 (11:32:38 PM): william
nvr lose hope92 (11:32:38 PM): on
nvr lose hope92 (11:32:39 PM): the
nvr lose hope92 (11:32:40 PM): ball
nvr lose hope92 (11:32:40 PM): to
nvr lose hope92 (11:32:41 PM): find
nvr lose hope92 (11:32:42 PM): you
nvr lose hope92 (11:32:42 PM): a
nvr lose hope92 (11:32:44 PM): boyfriend
nvr lose hope92 (11:32:44 PM): like
nvr lose hope92 (11:32:45 PM): him
nvr lose hope92 (11:32:46 PM): that
nvr lose hope92 (11:32:46 PM): is
nvr lose hope92 (11:32:47 PM): goregous
nvr lose hope92 (11:32:49 PM): athletic
nvr lose hope92 (11:32:53 PM): and gentleman-ey
TriGerAlandSlide (11:32:56 PM): please
TriGerAlandSlide (11:32:57 PM): do
TriGerAlandSlide (11:33:00 PM): and
TriGerAlandSlide (11:33:01 PM): get
TriGerAlandSlide (11:33:02 PM): back
TriGerAlandSlide (11:33:02 PM): to
TriGerAlandSlide (11:33:03 PM): me
TriGerAlandSlide (11:33:04 PM): asap
nvr lose hope92 (11:33:21 PM): kay, i will!
TriGerAlandSlide (11:33:32 PM): thank you
TriGerAlandSlide (11:33:36 PM): beautiful!!!!
nvr lose hope92 (11:33:47 PM): you are welcome goregous!
okay, i mean, really? how would i make it through life without my maygen lauren gibbons? oh right, i wouldn't.
i love her and miss her and i'm SO excited for go to school near me.
maygen lauren gibbons, i love you so much! :)
nvr lose hope92 (11:23:05 PM): mrs. austin nichols
nvr lose hope92 (11:23:10 PM): & mrs. will
nvr lose hope92 (11:23:12 PM): why yes, yes you can!
TriGerAlandSlide (11:23:15 PM): this is amazing.
TriGerAlandSlide (11:23:19 PM): i love our lives
nvr lose hope92 (11:23:27 PM): i love you for being in my life
TriGerAlandSlide (11:23:27 PM): spesh cause ur my friend
TriGerAlandSlide (11:23:31 PM):
nvr lose hope92 (11:23:34 PM):
nvr lose hope92 (11:23:43 PM): youz mah bass fraaaaan
TriGerAlandSlide (11:24:00 PM): likewise! dont make me cry
nvr lose hope92 (11:24:20 PM): cuz you sang me SWEET SILVER LINING when muh grammie died and i still play it when i'm sad and it makes me cryyyyy cause your so sweet
nvr lose hope92 (11:24:21 PM):
TriGerAlandSlide (11:24:23 PM): ive got u makin me cry! and millie writing down the things that evil bitch mom told brooke she couldnt dooo
TriGerAlandSlide (11:24:31 PM):
nvr lose hope92 (11:24:37 PM): you've got me makin me cry
TriGerAlandSlide (11:24:49 PM): !!!
TriGerAlandSlide (11:24:59 PM): im not good with words, out loud...
TriGerAlandSlide (11:25:06 PM): but i can write, and sing.. horrribly
nvr lose hope92 (11:25:12 PM): you sing WONDERFULLY
nvr lose hope92 (11:25:14 PM): so shut up
TriGerAlandSlide (11:25:27 PM): NO I DONT
nvr lose hope92 (11:25:30 PM): YES YOU DO
nvr lose hope92 (11:25:36 PM): YOU SING GOOD
TriGerAlandSlide (11:25:40 PM): I DO NO!
TriGerAlandSlide (11:25:43 PM): T
TriGerAlandSlide (11:25:45 PM): NOT
nvr lose hope92 (11:25:45 PM): and thats super sized
nvr lose hope92 (11:25:47 PM): YES
nvr lose hope92 (11:25:48 PM): YOU
nvr lose hope92 (11:25:49 PM): DO
nvr lose hope92 (11:25:50 PM): SING
nvr lose hope92 (11:25:53 PM): VERY
nvr lose hope92 (11:25:53 PM): WELL
nvr lose hope92 (11:25:54 PM): AND
nvr lose hope92 (11:25:54 PM): YOU
nvr lose hope92 (11:25:55 PM): NEED
nvr lose hope92 (11:25:56 PM): TO
nvr lose hope92 (11:25:56 PM): HAVE
nvr lose hope92 (11:25:57 PM): SOME
nvr lose hope92 (11:25:58 PM): FAITH
nvr lose hope92 (11:25:58 PM): IN
nvr lose hope92 (11:26:00 PM): YOURSELF
nvr lose hope92 (11:26:01 PM): CAUSE
nvr lose hope92 (11:26:02 PM): YOU
nvr lose hope92 (11:26:03 PM): BOMB
nvr lose hope92 (11:26:04 PM): SINGING!
nvr lose hope92 (11:26:05 PM): IN A
nvr lose hope92 (11:26:06 PM): GOOD
nvr lose hope92 (11:26:07 PM): WAY
nvr lose hope92 (11:26:07 PM): SO
nvr lose hope92 (11:26:08 PM): SHUT
nvr lose hope92 (11:26:09 PM): UP
nvr lose hope92 (11:26:10 PM): NOW
TriGerAlandSlide (11:26:13 PM): JORDAN
TriGerAlandSlide (11:26:15 PM): Taylor
TriGerAlandSlide (11:26:17 PM): GOODWIN
TriGerAlandSlide (11:26:19 PM): YOU
TriGerAlandSlide (11:26:19 PM): ARE
TriGerAlandSlide (11:26:20 PM): THE
TriGerAlandSlide (11:26:23 PM): SWEETEST
TriGerAlandSlide (11:26:24 PM): PERSON
TriGerAlandSlide (11:26:24 PM): EVER
TriGerAlandSlide (11:26:27 PM): STOP
TriGerAlandSlide (11:26:27 PM): IT
TriGerAlandSlide (11:26:30 PM): CAUSE
TriGerAlandSlide (11:26:31 PM): YOU
TriGerAlandSlide (11:26:32 PM): ARE
TriGerAlandSlide (11:26:33 PM): MAKING
TriGerAlandSlide (11:26:34 PM): ME
TriGerAlandSlide (11:26:36 PM): CRY
TriGerAlandSlide (11:26:38 PM): AND
TriGerAlandSlide (11:26:39 PM): I
TriGerAlandSlide (11:26:41 PM): DONT
TriGerAlandSlide (11:26:43 PM): LIKE
TriGerAlandSlide (11:26:46 PM): IT
TriGerAlandSlide (11:26:49 PM): AT
nvr lose hope92 (11:26:50 PM): WELL
nvr lose hope92 (11:26:50 PM): TOO
nvr lose hope92 (11:26:51 PM): BAD
TriGerAlandSlide (11:26:51 PM): ALL
nvr lose hope92 (11:26:52 PM): CAUSE
nvr lose hope92 (11:26:52 PM): YOU
nvr lose hope92 (11:26:53 PM): ARE
nvr lose hope92 (11:26:53 PM): GOOD
TriGerAlandSlide (11:26:54 PM): OKAY
nvr lose hope92 (11:26:54 PM): AT
nvr lose hope92 (11:26:54 PM): LOTS
nvr lose hope92 (11:26:55 PM): OF
nvr lose hope92 (11:26:56 PM): STUFF
nvr lose hope92 (11:26:57 PM): SO
TriGerAlandSlide (11:26:57 PM): I
nvr lose hope92 (11:26:58 PM): IM
nvr lose hope92 (11:26:58 PM): GOING
TriGerAlandSlide (11:26:59 PM): DO
nvr lose hope92 (11:26:59 PM): TO
nvr lose hope92 (11:27:00 PM): TELL
nvr lose hope92 (11:27:01 PM): YOU
TriGerAlandSlide (11:27:02 PM): LIKE
nvr lose hope92 (11:27:02 PM): THAT
nvr lose hope92 (11:27:03 PM): YOUR GOOD
TriGerAlandSlide (11:27:04 PM): IT
TriGerAlandSlide (11:27:09 PM): GRANDMA
TriGerAlandSlide (11:27:10 PM): DEB
TriGerAlandSlide (11:27:15 PM): WEARS
TriGerAlandSlide (11:27:16 PM): TIGHT
TriGerAlandSlide (11:27:18 PM): PANTS
nvr lose hope92 (11:27:20 PM): AND
nvr lose hope92 (11:27:21 PM): SEE
nvr lose hope92 (11:27:21 PM): YOU
nvr lose hope92 (11:27:22 PM): GO
nvr lose hope92 (11:27:22 PM): FROM
nvr lose hope92 (11:27:23 PM): MAKING
nvr lose hope92 (11:27:24 PM): ME
nvr lose hope92 (11:27:24 PM): CRY
nvr lose hope92 (11:27:25 PM): TO
nvr lose hope92 (11:27:27 PM): LAUGH
TriGerAlandSlide (11:27:35 PM): IM
nvr lose hope92 (11:27:36 PM): JUST REASON #22 WHY I LOVE YOU SO MUCH <3
TriGerAlandSlide (11:27:37 PM): AMAZING
TriGerAlandSlide (11:28:08 PM): JAMIE
TriGerAlandSlide (11:28:09 PM): SCOTT
TriGerAlandSlide (11:28:10 PM): IS
TriGerAlandSlide (11:28:10 PM): SO
TriGerAlandSlide (11:28:11 PM): SHORT
TriGerAlandSlide (11:28:13 PM): ITS
TriGerAlandSlide (11:28:16 PM): ADORBALE
nvr lose hope92 (11:28:37 PM): okay, lets forget oth and go back to how amazing we are
nvr lose hope92 (11:28:38 PM): hahahahahah
TriGerAlandSlide (11:28:51 PM): YOU
TriGerAlandSlide (11:28:52 PM): ARE
TriGerAlandSlide (11:28:53 PM): MORE
TriGerAlandSlide (11:28:54 PM): AMAZING
TriGerAlandSlide (11:28:55 PM): THEN
TriGerAlandSlide (11:28:56 PM): ME
TriGerAlandSlide (11:28:58 PM): BECAUSE
TriGerAlandSlide (11:29:03 PM): YOU
TriGerAlandSlide (11:29:04 PM): JUST
TriGerAlandSlide (11:29:04 PM): ARE
TriGerAlandSlide (11:29:06 PM): GOOD
TriGerAlandSlide (11:29:07 PM): FOR
TriGerAlandSlide (11:29:09 PM): YOU?
nvr lose hope92 (11:29:23 PM): wait. what?
nvr lose hope92 (11:29:35 PM): YOU
nvr lose hope92 (11:29:35 PM): ARE
nvr lose hope92 (11:29:36 PM): MORE
nvr lose hope92 (11:29:37 PM): AMAZING
nvr lose hope92 (11:29:38 PM): THAN
nvr lose hope92 (11:29:39 PM): ME
nvr lose hope92 (11:29:39 PM): MOST
nvr lose hope92 (11:29:41 PM): DEFINATELY
nvr lose hope92 (11:29:41 PM): SO
nvr lose hope92 (11:29:42 PM): SHUT
nvr lose hope92 (11:29:43 PM): UP
nvr lose hope92 (11:29:48 PM): END. OF. DISCUSSION.
TriGerAlandSlide (11:29:51 PM): we
TriGerAlandSlide (11:29:52 PM): are
TriGerAlandSlide (11:29:54 PM): both
TriGerAlandSlide (11:30:03 PM): equally
TriGerAlandSlide (11:30:04 PM): as
TriGerAlandSlide (11:30:05 PM): amazing
nvr lose hope92 (11:30:20 PM): yes.
nvr lose hope92 (11:30:20 PM): that
nvr lose hope92 (11:30:21 PM): is
nvr lose hope92 (11:30:21 PM): a
nvr lose hope92 (11:30:22 PM): god
nvr lose hope92 (11:30:24 PM): good*
nvr lose hope92 (11:30:25 PM): assumption
nvr lose hope92 (11:30:26 PM): now
nvr lose hope92 (11:30:26 PM): come
nvr lose hope92 (11:30:27 PM): back
nvr lose hope92 (11:30:27 PM): to
nvr lose hope92 (11:30:28 PM): NC
nvr lose hope92 (11:30:29 PM): and
nvr lose hope92 (11:30:31 PM): i
nvr lose hope92 (11:30:32 PM): will
nvr lose hope92 (11:30:33 PM): get
nvr lose hope92 (11:30:35 PM): you
nvr lose hope92 (11:30:36 PM): a
nvr lose hope92 (11:30:37 PM): southern
nvr lose hope92 (11:30:40 PM): boyfriend
nvr lose hope92 (11:30:41 PM): and
nvr lose hope92 (11:30:42 PM): we'll
nvr lose hope92 (11:30:43 PM): have
nvr lose hope92 (11:30:44 PM): cheesey
nvr lose hope92 (11:30:50 PM): double-dates
TriGerAlandSlide (11:31:20 PM): you
TriGerAlandSlide (11:31:21 PM): need
TriGerAlandSlide (11:31:21 PM): to
TriGerAlandSlide (11:31:23 PM): hook
TriGerAlandSlide (11:31:24 PM): me
TriGerAlandSlide (11:31:25 PM): up
TriGerAlandSlide (11:31:25 PM): with
TriGerAlandSlide (11:31:27 PM): boys
TriGerAlandSlide (11:31:29 PM): through
TriGerAlandSlide (11:31:30 PM): the
TriGerAlandSlide (11:31:32 PM): computer
TriGerAlandSlide (11:31:32 PM): and
TriGerAlandSlide (11:31:33 PM): it
TriGerAlandSlide (11:31:34 PM): will
TriGerAlandSlide (11:31:36 PM): make
TriGerAlandSlide (11:31:37 PM): my
TriGerAlandSlide (11:31:38 PM): life
TriGerAlandSlide (11:31:40 PM): easier
TriGerAlandSlide (11:31:43 PM): when
TriGerAlandSlide (11:31:46 PM): i
TriGerAlandSlide (11:31:48 PM): get
TriGerAlandSlide (11:31:51 PM): there
nvr lose hope92 (11:32:33 PM): OKAY
nvr lose hope92 (11:32:35 PM): i
nvr lose hope92 (11:32:36 PM): will
nvr lose hope92 (11:32:37 PM): get
nvr lose hope92 (11:32:38 PM): william
nvr lose hope92 (11:32:38 PM): on
nvr lose hope92 (11:32:39 PM): the
nvr lose hope92 (11:32:40 PM): ball
nvr lose hope92 (11:32:40 PM): to
nvr lose hope92 (11:32:41 PM): find
nvr lose hope92 (11:32:42 PM): you
nvr lose hope92 (11:32:42 PM): a
nvr lose hope92 (11:32:44 PM): boyfriend
nvr lose hope92 (11:32:44 PM): like
nvr lose hope92 (11:32:45 PM): him
nvr lose hope92 (11:32:46 PM): that
nvr lose hope92 (11:32:46 PM): is
nvr lose hope92 (11:32:47 PM): goregous
nvr lose hope92 (11:32:49 PM): athletic
nvr lose hope92 (11:32:53 PM): and gentleman-ey
TriGerAlandSlide (11:32:56 PM): please
TriGerAlandSlide (11:32:57 PM): do
TriGerAlandSlide (11:33:00 PM): and
TriGerAlandSlide (11:33:01 PM): get
TriGerAlandSlide (11:33:02 PM): back
TriGerAlandSlide (11:33:02 PM): to
TriGerAlandSlide (11:33:03 PM): me
TriGerAlandSlide (11:33:04 PM): asap
nvr lose hope92 (11:33:21 PM): kay, i will!
TriGerAlandSlide (11:33:32 PM): thank you
TriGerAlandSlide (11:33:36 PM): beautiful!!!!
nvr lose hope92 (11:33:47 PM): you are welcome goregous!
okay, i mean, really? how would i make it through life without my maygen lauren gibbons? oh right, i wouldn't.
i love her and miss her and i'm SO excited for go to school near me.
maygen lauren gibbons, i love you so much! :)
dissapointment in people...
hmm. I don't know what to say too much. I'm just dissapointed in people. but only certain people. and not because of something they did, but because of what they didn't do. which seems to be the case with me mostly. but i've also been surprised by certain people. ever since grandma died, it seems like the people i expected most to be there for me.. kinda, 'left'. not physically, just, aren't very supportive. they never ask how i am, is there anything they can do, or offer to lend an ear to listen or a shoulder to cry on. and those are the people i would have thought that would have offered it most. and it hurts. just.. its as if those people don't care. i know they do, and they probably don't even realize it, but.. it still hurts to think that they don't care enough to think about how its effecting me.
but maybe they do think about it, and just don't know how to talk about it. which i understand. but, i just wish they'd TELL me that. that the're uncomfy talking about suicide, or that they don't know what to say, or that i'm in their thoughts & prayers.
and then, the people that i thought would have never in a million years would have stepped up like they did, have. i would have never thought that i would be telling this person all the stuff i do. or that they'd have so much insight.
but, there is just people that haven't done ANYTHING. nothing. and it completely blew (and still does) me away. and when i make vauge refrences to it, they never say anything about it. just say 'oh okay' and go on, or make a joke about it, and never think twice.
out of all the stuff that happened since may 31st, what i've seen in these peope have surprised me the most.
but maybe they do think about it, and just don't know how to talk about it. which i understand. but, i just wish they'd TELL me that. that the're uncomfy talking about suicide, or that they don't know what to say, or that i'm in their thoughts & prayers.
and then, the people that i thought would have never in a million years would have stepped up like they did, have. i would have never thought that i would be telling this person all the stuff i do. or that they'd have so much insight.
but, there is just people that haven't done ANYTHING. nothing. and it completely blew (and still does) me away. and when i make vauge refrences to it, they never say anything about it. just say 'oh okay' and go on, or make a joke about it, and never think twice.
out of all the stuff that happened since may 31st, what i've seen in these peope have surprised me the most.
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