its never too late . . .

i always meant to blog about this, but never did. and now feels like a good time to do so.

a really really good friend of mine (who means the world to me) wrote this. its acutally about leyton, but its so much more than just 2 fictional characters. to me, at least.

"To her, he's the man who somehow got her to let go of all those reasons she'd convinced herself not to fall for someone. He convinced her that she's deserving of her own happiness, and there's nothing wrong with doing something for herself.

He convinced her that love doesn't have to hurt, and maybe not everyone is going to break her heart."

isn't it amazing? okay. so. at the time i was waiting for that 'someone'. i found him now. :) either way, its still absolutely terrifying. what if it doesn't work out? i'll have my heart broken and just dieeeee like all my friends have. i've lost so many people that were so close to my heart, i was afraid to let somebody else in, when tehre was a chance that they could leave too. so i kept myself from even thinking about love. thinking about falling. nothing was worth it, i decided i had rather "never loved than to loved and to have lost" because i knew the hurt from losing loved ones. grandma godwin. mr. gearld. phoebe. (yes, that was my dog)mrs. julia. grandma bailey. sooo influincial in my life, in sooo many ways. everytime i would finally get over someone dying, something else would happen.. and i had just decided that there was no need to willingly sign myself up for more hurt. besides, who really finds their soulmate at age 16 anyway? but i've heard lyrics all my life that always stuck out to me, from Lee Ann Womack's "i hope you dance".

loving might be a mistake but its worth making

so i was like, aw, thats sweet. but it always stuck with me, always in the back of my mind.

&then i read what she wrote. and we all know who she is, but i'm gonna say it cause i can. sheena marie casselman. [or is it cassleman? i think casselman. idk. FREAKING CANADIAN NAMES!] ANYWAYYYYY! she wrote it. and it was my facebook status for a year. because i thought, even tho this is like, 'fake', somebody believes that there is someone worth taking that risk for. someone who will show her that not everybody is gonna break her heart. that happiness doesn't have to come from a funny joke, or a certain 4 legged creature. someone to make her want to let go of all those reasons.

somebody believes this. somebody knows that loving might be a mistake, but its dang worth making.

she gave me hope. hope that there could be somebody out there. that someone was out there. and not to give up on all men. even tho track record's showed otherwise, to keep going.

so, with my newfound hope, i was like, 'alright. i'm not gonna look, but i'm not so .. against the thought of love.' so thats what i did. i just went along, thinking that everything happened for a reason, and if something happened it would happen. on its on, without me being little miss flirt, oooor begging anybody. if he came along, he would come along.

well lets just say he came along..

saturday <3

so. yesterday was saturday. a SMAZING day. here's what happened & why it was so amazing.

1) i had wanted to go to raleigh to get a new state shirt for the meet the pack day, next saturday. mom said i could go as long as somebody went with me. everybody was busy tho.
2) so we decided to go to mortex. i run into him there! he asks why i'm not going to raleigh. i told him why. he said he would take me. so, off we go.
3) i get to raleigh. go in alumni hall. get an adorable black shirt with NC State & mr. wuf on it. then we get ice cream cones. half way through, we trade. so predictable. anyway. we walk to the car, and its raining. of course. so we kinda almost kiss in the rain. enough for my heart to go crazy though (:
4) get home. chilax. do nothing all afternoon.
5) start talking to sheena. talk to her pretty much all day. AH-mazing.
6) he 'shows' me how to light the grill. i let him teach me. even tho i've been lighting the grill for years.
7) we made our first dish together. slaw. i laughed more than i breathed, but oh well.
8) had our sexy dinner, which was veryyyyyyy good. go daddy for cooking delish steaks.
9) i got sick. so i went to sleep in his lap, woke up with a pillow underneath me, and he said some stuff to sheena that i'm still curious about.
10) we did nothing, again. i love nothing.
11) he had to leave. but before he left i got ambushed. :) only sheena knows what that means, but its okay.
12) we didn't say goodbye.

so that was amazing. :) &sheena was a hgue part of it, and i'm glad that she hates us for being so darn cute & perfect, and i'm very glad i could get away with murder with him. i still smile over it :)