am i completely crazy? i think i'm completely crazy.

okay. so. the holiday is on. the movie.. its REALLY good. i love it. FLOVE jude law! actually, i'm not WATCHING it, moms watching it in the other room & i'm listening. and i'm in my room on Andrew, writing this. soo.. yeah. okay. anyway, on to why i think i'm abs. crazy.

i saw this movie last year, 3 days before christmas, with sherlon & miss peggy. sherlon & i had went out to eat at the cheesecake factory, got our make up done @ bobbi brown, and shopped. we started at like, 3pm, and got home at like, 10, and then watched the movie. i finally went to bed around 1:30, haha. SUCH an amazing day. and listening now, i declare i'm back in their living room, sipping french vanilla coffe, miss peggy ANNOYINGLY quoting everything they say, snuggle up on the couch with a blanket, and sherlon at the other end. and i want to BAWL. just weep like crazy. cry my eyes out. why? I HAVE NO FREAKING EARTHLY IDEA! gah! like, am i longing the sense of 'perfectness' that day? or just the simplicity. or just, everything was 'right' then, as far as personal drama.

OR, maybe its cause i love CHRISTMAS time SOOO much, i just, miss it. or i don't know.

but i'm practically crying just thinking about that day. i want to go back to that day. that day beasted. majorly. SO much.

&i'm like that about other days too. but that day REALLY sticks out right now.

i don't know. i know i'm probably really crazy, and i probably need a shrink, and i'm so so so so sorry.

is it THAT hard to have a backbone?

I am just SO, SO SO SO freaking sick and tired of people NOT having a backbone. not being able to stand up for what they believe in. for not being able to stay true to their word.

the last one REALLY gets under my skin. some kinda bad. it honestly makes me want to smack people. and its like, gah, its okay if we DISAGREE on stuff, just, don't agree with me cause its easier, then when the time comes, completely leave me standing alone.

it just seems like, now, its easier to just keep going back on your word & lying than to keep your word & stand by your beliefs.