i'm scared.

i lost count of how many times i've typed a message here.
& i keep erasing it.

because i'm afraid that it will reveal too much.

or be too vauge.

or that one person will read it & freak out.
& i coudldn't stand losing that person.


I'm also afraid of getting too close.
&having that person leave.
like everyone else has.


I'm afraid that nobody will ever know.
& that i'll go my whole life with this feeling.
I'm afraid that i'll never come to peace with it.
i'm afraid that i'm trying SO hard to get over it, that i never will.


I'm afraid that i will fail.


i'm afraid that i'm getting too deep.
infact i know i am.
but i can't stop myself.


& i know i'm setting myself up for a major heartache.
but i can't stop myself.

i just wish you knew how much this has changed me.
because i'll never be the same.

& the truth is..

. . . everytime you call me baby, i melt inside.