aunt audrey

hey guys.. we just got this email about my great-aunt.


"Hospice has been called in for Mama. She has indicated that she is tired and is ready to go.
She is still on a trach, kidneys aren't working , her blood pressure is 86\42, she is bleeding internally and she is exhausted. She is at peace with her decision and we meet with the hospice team here at NHRM at 1pm today. They plan to move her from ICU to the 3rd floor Hospice.
Her surgeon said if they skip dialysis, she would have just a few days.
She has fought a tough fight and we all agree to honor her wishes.
Just wanted to let you know."

please keep our family in your prayers as we brace another death.

xoxo

&laugh

we could keep things just the same...

so, today has kinda been wierd. i had a dream last night about my grandma. like, she was still alive. [well DUH] and all the 'drama' in our neighborhood was still going on, and she was fesisty like she used to be. anddd idk, it was just, normal. like she was talking about what she wanted to do &all. idk. i don't remember it all, just little parts. but i woke up, and immediately realized what i dreamed & what reality was. &then i was sad. :( but, i got to talk to danielle for a few minutes & that helped. [i love ya chic]

& THEEEEN we went to overtons to get a new ski binding for mom's ski. and then i got depressed that i can't ski. [well i can. i mean heck, im really good at it. its just, with my knee &all, and it hurts it SO bad and i'm afraid i'll REALLY mess it up if i keep doing it.] espicially considering MY custom sloam ski is sitting above the boat, just collecting dust. grrrr.

but then, when we got home, and somewhere in between talking to rachel and sheena, i kinda realized something. not like, "ding ding ding, IDEAAA!" just, idk, i just realized something. that once i get to heaven, i'll get to meet my grandpa. & grandpa pulley. &i'll get to see my great-grandma again, who i don't remember all that well. and my grandma godwin, and grandma. & mr. gearld, and miss julia. and alex. and mr. jeffrey. and everybody else that i've lost. &i know of ALL the things i get to look foward to do once i die or Jesus comes, that seeing them really shoulnd't be at the top of my list, but it is. i'm just really excited that i get to see them again, possibly soon, possibly another 80 more years. but just the fact that i'll get to MEET the people i never got to meet, really excites me. and idk, it just, made me smile.

&yeah. that and my friends are SMAZING [super + amazing = smazing] andddddd i LOVED that i got to talk to sheena today, &annie, &ELEVATORS! hollly crap. i love you guyssss (:

&i guess i should enclude a song. i flove this song. MOSTLY b/c sheena wrote a BALLIN OS off of it, and KC mentioned it in her twitter, and i fell in love with it again. i mean seriously,

Yeah We Both Got Dreams
We Could Chase Alone
Or We Could Make Our Own

that's just redic. i LOVE jennifer nettles, seriously. so yeah.

here it issss (: enjoy.



xoxo, jo

&laugh

thank you miss sheena (:

heyyyy guys. SO. holllyyy crap. i told sheena that i wnted some new music, cause i was tired of what i had. so she gave me some names to look at. soooo i did. and WOW! i LOVE this guy. this is my fave song (: its really good, ya gotta listen.

and THEN, i found this quote. andddd come to findout its lyrics for this song. so then i LOVED this song. andddd yes.



AND. to all you fellow oth fan fiction readers, PLEASE tell me what you think about this sentence, "I'd lead with 'I love you'," Nathan said, shrugging one shoulder. "But that's just me."

so yes. sheena gave me that as a 'teaser' andddd yeah. [she did offer to tell me WHICH story but i said only if you want to and so DUHHH she didn't tell and now im about to go crazy]

so yeah.

&laugh (:

cause i only wanna be wanted by YOU!

okay. not sure how this works, BUT. oh well.

i LOVE this song, totally reminds me of leyton, and it makes me wanna get up and dance.

(:

the trick is to keep breathing

alrighty folks.

so.

still alive.

only thanks to my AMAZING friends. so shoutout goes to mal, danielle, annie, amy, maygen, sheena, bo [hilary], and jess.

ya'll rock.

& parker's been amazing.

so im basically just updating so i can say i updated. but i promise i'll be UD'ing more.

but, the stars seem brighter at night. i notice the smaller things. i laugh over small things. i'm trying to enjoy life.

cause life's too short.

and my best friend has a boyfriend.

YES!

and i really love sheena.

alright. there.

miss my leyton :(

RIP Grandma <33

yesterday, around 3:30, my grandmother died. it was VERY sudden and very shocking, and we are all still in shock. my papa and mom are taking it VERY hard, as expected. we aren't sure exately what happened, but we didn't find out until around 7:15. I was at church, and my dad &mom were at home, and my dad called me and said that i needed to get home NOW, that something was wrong. so of course i freaked out and asked if him &mom were okay, and he said yeah, we'll tell you when you get home. so i took outta there like a bat outta you-know-where, and when i was about 3 minutes from home my dad called again and said to just drive in at nanny and papa's house. so i said okay. so when i pulled in the driveway, and saw a sherrif's car sitting beside the house, i knew something was MAJORLY wrong. so of course i started to MAJORLY freak out, &i knew that it had to either be papa or grandma, since mom &dad were okay, and when i saw papa at the door holding mom crying, i knew it was grandma. when i was walking up to their house, i heard papa say "she's dead" and thankfully daddy was beside me because i collapsed... so then we had to call her 2 sons [mom's brothers] and tell them, and that was horrible. one of them lives about 45 minutes from here, so he got here about 3 hours later [yeah, thats right. he had to finish eatting out with his FRIENDS before he could come.] and the other one lives in TN, so as soon as he found out, him and his wife and 2 sons took off. they got here about 3-ish AM. grandma's brother &his wife came last night and stayed about 4 hours, which was very nice. uncle barry [grandma's brother] is incharge of the graveyard at the church where she will be burried, and so he will have to mark his own sister's grave... i just can't believe it. but its just such a major shock, i mean, she was getting older and her mind wasn't very good, but just, yeah. mom &dad &papa &uncle david [the one who lives in TN. the OTHER brother had to preach a funeral today so he coudln't go] just left to go to the funeral home to make arrangements &all. last night was very very hard, i dont' think my mom got ANY sleep at all, and i got a few hours b/w 2am-8am. we stayed over at papa's house until about 12, then daddy and i came home [i'm SO glad we live beside each other!] and changed clothes, and i took mom her contact stuff back over there b/c she said she was going to stay there a little while longer, and when i got back home daddy said he was going back over there, so i took my shower and laid down, but all i did was toss &turn. about 2am mom &dad came home to get somebodies number, but they couldn't find it. so then we all got in mom &dad's king sized bed, lol, and just kinda laid there. i think the last time i looked at the clock it was about 2:45, and then at 8 the funeral home called, and made an appt. for everybody to go up there and make the plans &all, and then other people started calling &all so we just went ahead and got up. so i guess i did get about 5 hours sleep, but it sure doesnt' feel like it, lol. i feel like i've been run over by one of those paving machienes with the big rollers, lol. &extremely numb at hte same time. aaaand my head is KILLING me, but i expected that. as i have found out from the LAST time someone close to us died, when i get extremely upset, i hyperventalate while crying &then i just kinda go beserk, &yeah. but i was able to get in touch with my 2 best friends, amy &danielle P., &they were extrememly nice and so helpful to me last night.

so just please keep my family in your prayers, my mom &papa are taking it extremely hard, as expected. thank you so much <33

p.s. i started to write this last night, but i coudln't finish, so i finished writing it today and i changed all the 'today's' to 'yesterday's' and stuff.. i think i'm still in shock, even though its completely 'hit' me, i still expect her to be here, ya know. ohhhhh mannnn... but. FYI, horses are the best to hug &cry on, lol.