I Hung Up My Bridle Today

Danielle told me to read this. & even if you don't ride, I still think its beautiful. & yes, I cried & cried & criedddddd. But its so sweet, & true.

Hung Up My Bridle Todayby Kris Garrett

11-11-09

Yesterday, for the first time,
I was too tired to ride.
I was afraid I would be hurt if I was thrown.
I heard someone say my barn was too shabby.
I let someone tell me I was too pudgy to ride.
I realized I was old
I had to face that I could no longer keep up.
I had to let go of my dreams
I felt my heart break.
I turned my back on my friend.
I knew I was done.

Today, for the last time,
I felt warm, braided leather in my hands.
I ran my stirrups up so they wouldn't bang my mare's sides.
I released the buckles on the girth and watched my girl sigh.
I slowly dropped the bit so it wouldn't hit her teeth.
I gave my mare a cookie to thank her for the ride.
I buried my head in her soft, warm neck.
I inhaled the sun and the dust in her long winter coat.
I closed the gate and trudged to the muddy porch.
I tracked hay and horse hair into my house.
I pulled off my boots and felt the sting of warm blood returning to my cold toes.

Today, for the first time,
I cried after my ride.
I felt my hands shake as I set the saddle on its rack.
I hugged my young trainer a final goodbye.
I waited for the new owner's trailer to arrive.
I set my boots in a box to go to the Goodwill.
I sighed at the wear on my riding gloves.
I had no hay in my hair.
I did not hear nickering when I opened my back door.
I felt worse leaving the barn that I did when I entered.
I had no one to check on before going to bed.

Tomorrow, for the first time,
I won't have to buy hay.
I can stay in bed longer.
I won't see the poop pile grow.
I won't be able to fly on four legs.
I will be sorry I listened.
I will regret letting her go.
I will be angry at God.
I will be angry at myself.
I will cry the day away.
I will be glad to die.

Day after tomorrow, for the first time,
I will awaken in tears.
I will know I was wrong.
I will defy all the judgment.
I will ignore my old bones.
I will return the buyer's check.
I will bring my friend home.
I will take my boots out of the box.
I will be reborn.

For the rest of my life,
I will have a horse in my yard.
I will ignore the cruel judging.
I will watch the poop pile grow.
I will have hay in my hair.
I will track mud in my house.
I will bury my face in her soft neck.
I will let my soul fly.
I will never be alone.

forever ...

Okay. So. Sheena had the broad statement that "breathing is essential". and yes, it is. so i've kinda had my own realization thingey... okay... its REALLY simple & i know you're gonna laugh, so prepare yourself.

Death is forever.

(uhh.. okay? ... )

and just what gets me so much is the fact that I'll never see grandma again. or my other grandma. or Mr. Gerald. or Mrs. Julia. well, not ever ever ever again, but in this life. I know i'll see them in heaven, but who knows how long that will be be? i mean, i could see them by the end of writing this sentence! ( and if you're reading this then i guessssss it didn't happen quite yet, hahaha) but just.. idk. its been what, 7 months since grandma died? 8 months since mrs. julia died? & it seems like an eternity.. and i have the rest of my life to life without them in it. all the things that i'll go through, without them. & that's prettttyyyy depressing. so i try not to think about that too much, but yeah.. *sigh* i don't know.

& its almost like a piece of me is like "okay, so in a certain amount of time this will be over, they'll be back, and it'll be like normal again." & not like denial, its not that i'm denying that they're gone, its just like, i'm denying the fact that they're gone forever. & then a piece of me completely realizes that they are gone & i won't see them here again, & i'm .. okay with it.

goshhhhh i'm really screwed up hahaha. & i was thinking that maybe by typing it out & just, "talking" it out would make it make more sense... but it really didn't. so yeah.

Kenny Chesney's "Who You'd Be Today" has been on repeat the whole time i've been writing this. i love that song. maybe i'll do a blog of songs that i've listened to alot during this whole ...ordeal. yeah, maybe i'll do that later on. anyway, i love these lyrics. and even tho its more of like a younger person dying than an older person, i still reallllly listen to the lyrics & can apply them to my life, ya know? but anyway! the favorite part. at the very end,

"sunny days seem to hurt the most,
i wear the pain like a heavy coat,
but the only thing that gives me hope
is i know i'll see you again someday"


and I will. I'll see them all again someday :) & that gives me the hope & strength to get there ...

8. 9. 57.

count downsss!

8 days until my 3rd favorite day of the year; christmas eve with my daddy!
9 days until my favorite day of the year, christmas!
and 57 days until my 4th favorite day of the year, anytime i get to see danielle!

so yeah.
this is insanelyyyyy redic & unnecessary butttt i don't care! hahaha.

oh! i get to see Amanda next week! i haven't seen her since her dad's funeral 3 years ago. so pathetic, ughey.  but anyway. thats going to be SO so so much fun! & meagan comes home tomorrow, so we're gonna have a "legit" date this time hahaha. so anyway. i declare, my friendships got so much stronger with everybody after they went off to college! wierdddd.

but anyway. yeah. hahaha i honestly don't know. wow. and i'm still talking! so yeah. maybe i'll shut up now.
OH!
i had a crisis last night.
nobody could see my status' on facebook. NOBODY. ughey. so then i realized, after having to stop & take a  SHOWER because i was so upset, that when i post a status from andrew, nobody can see it. and if i do one from my laptop, then people can. so ughey. i don't know anymore hahaha. but anyway, annie helped me last night & it was all good :)

woo.. okay?

so.

i was reading Danielle & I's IM archive history earlier today cause i was bored. & it only goes back to like September. depressing. & then i realized SO much of our epicness comes from phone conversations. AIM isn't there to archive that. so really funny stuff, or stuff that i just wanna keep, i'm going to blog. so in 10 years we can read it. & i'm going to try the label thing. so yeah. ima go ahead & apologize for it. cause i have no clue how much i'll post. or i could just create a new blog? maybe i'll do that. YES. i will. ahh! i'm excited. for mallory & danielle & amy & maygen & annie & alexie & claire and everybodyyyy. okay. prolly more of danielle & amy, i talk to them the most via-non-aim stuff. so yeah.

okay.

i'll post the link in a bit.

so annie creates epic playlists at 1:30.
i create blogs for my best friends at 12:17.
woooo!

okay, im so stoked now! hahaha :)

...

okay.

there's one thing you DO NOT joke around with me anymore. well not since May 31st anyway. & thats suicide.
do people not see me visibly tense up & my mood change completely when they jokingly/un-seriously mention suicide?
and these people KNOW. they know what happened.
but they don't know how bad it upset me.
but do they HONESTLY think that I would be OK with them acting like suicide is nothing? that its just a joke?
or do they even think about that?
the connection.
i'm realizing more & more that people don't care.
well, as much as i thought they would. should. could. whatever.

I'm just learning to expect the least from the people I expected the most from ....

*not intended for those of you who might read this who had suicidal thoughts/problems.. i know who you are & this is NOT you. this is idiots who don't have a brain.*

this whole "ordeal" has changed me so so so much. i was never like this before. & i hate the fact that something can change me so much. one small, simple thing. & i know its complex & complicated but still.. i thought i was stronger than to let it change me this much. & to have so much control of me. i'm just.. dissapointed in myself that i can't shake it & go on & be my oldself. & be strong again. be able to deal with all of my problems and my best friends. it seems like now, i help them deal with their stuff & i have no strength left to deal with mine. and don't get me wrong, i LOVE helping them. i love being there for them & being the one they go to when they have problems. i love knowing that they know i'm there for them whenever, no matter what, anything. it makes me feel special, ya know? anyway.. after that.. i'm just like, dude, i can't deal with my crap too so i just push it aside until eventually i just BREAK. and breakdown, and breakdown, and breakdown. last breakdown? in the middle of sunday school. thaaaat was lovely. if you were there you know how bad it was. i feel another one comming. & i pray that im alone & with parker when it comes. cause thats honestly the best way to just, let it out & regroup & idk, cope i guess.

so yeah.

this totally isn't what i thought it was gonna be, but it came out and im typing so yeah. just ignore all this hahahah, idk if it helps or not but hey, it can't hurt, right?

anyway.

i talked to jess today! yayyyy :) i love her.

the blind side

warning. if you don't wanna know what happens, don't read past this line, but know its one of the best movie's ever.

OH MY GOSH Y'ALL. SOOOOOOOOO good. i said i was gonna cry, and i didn't! idk why, it wasn't as sad as i thought. but okay. i just got through reading Mrs. Amy's post about princess & the frog (http://www.sabennett.com/wp/) and i'm too old for disney movies so i really didn't know what it was about, but reading her post, i was like OH MY GOSH. are you kidding me?! DISNEY, movie, for KIDS, with voodoo dolls? whaaaaat? i was BLOWN away. and i lost so much respect for disney now. i never was the biggest fan of disney, i can't tell you the 7dwarfs names, or anything. i remember cinderella, but i don't think i ever saw aladin or beauty and the beast [saw the play tho!] or sleeping beauty or any of those. idk. i just, wasn't into it. so anyway, i'm just like, wow.

okay! on to the blind side. i think i was expecting alot more poverty and, ghetto-ness & saddness. but it showed enough to get the point across, but still keep it cheery & upbeat. i was laughing SO hard. LOVE S.J. he's hilarious. i would have LOVED to have seen more b/w Collins & Michael. but i LOVED LOVED LOVED S.J. & michael, such great interaction. & y'all? SANDRA BULLOCK BEASTEDDDDDD her role. omg. SO good. i smiled the whole time. and get this? i counted 3 cuss words. THREE. i can't even watch a freaking disney show and hear that little! and minus a fight that Michael starts because this old yucky ghetto hood guy says that he'd tap his sister, there was no violence. but when the guy was like, "and you baby sister? mmm, i'd tap that" the wholeeeeee entire theatre went "oooh!" cause they knew it was comming. but just, LOVED this movie. and no insanely gorgeous guys to oogle over, either. i know, i know. i loved the morals in this movie. family. work hard for what you want. love. courage. being afraid and doing it anyway. going against the odds. having everything stacked up against you and going foward. being told you can't and PROVING them wrong. being told your the wrong size, wrong color, wrong height, wrong weight. everything in the world against you except for your few true friends, and doing it. i loved it. i laughed so hard, i was crying at times. it was sweet, touched my heart, and im SO stoked for it to come out on DVD. & i know i said that the proposal would be hte first movie on Andrew, but it didn't ever get there. THIS soooo might be.

I think we can just use a movie that has a happy ending.
& go see it! and take me with you hahaha :)
like, 5 thumbs up or whatever it is.
amazing.
:)

plus the fact that i got to spend the night with my daddy didn't hurt at allllllll :)

guess who has a date today...

ME! at 12. with MAYGEN! i'm SO stoked. and yes, it did take 7 facebook messages to come up with a date and time to call each other and talk. how retarded is this? ughey. but none the less,

I HAVE A HOTT DATE WITH MAYGEN LAUREN TODAY!
so, me:1 world:0 :)

looooove you baby girl!

John Mayer is epic.

So. I saw this on Sheena's other blog. fell. in. love. its so true. & you know what? i legit said "i'd like that :) " when will asked if i'd like to talk sa'more sometime. so. freaking. true. anyway, its amazing, i love John & Sheena, and here is Sheena's Blog :) anyway! enough talking. Enjoy!

So I was thinking about relationships as they pertain to songs about relationships, and I was trying to think, well it occurred to me that the key, I figured out the key to a relationship and how to make it work. Check it out, this is a tip from your uncle John, check it out.




When you first meet somebody, you find out they like you, first of all, a friend of a friend of theirs says he or she really really likes you, and it kills you, floors you, sends you to the ground. You've got to pick yourself up off the ground. Then you get their phone number and you call them up, right, and you say, "Yeah, that's a really great phone conversation, can I see you some time?" and then they say this, they say, "I'd like that." Nothing feels better than "I'd like that."



So now, your blood pressures' going. You're six feet off the ground. You can't sleep, because of "I'd like that."



So then you hang out for a while, and you call and you talk on the phone all the time, and then you drop the bomb, what feels like the bomb. You say, "You know what, I've been thinking about you a lot." And she goes, "Ahhhhhhh!" And you go, "What happened?" and she goes, "I'm sorry, I just...I just...I just...that's...I've been thinking about you too." Bam. Higher into the sky.



But now "I'd like that." Tch. Done. Now you're up to "I'm thinkin about you."



Then however number of months pass that it makes you feel comfortable saying it, you say "I gotta tell you something." They go "What?" you go, "I'm in love with you." And nothing in the world sounds better than "I'm in love with you." And then maybe she starts crying, or maybe he goes "*gasp*"



And all of a sudden you're like "I'm in."



But now what doesn't work? "I'd like that," and "I've been thinking about you." Now we're at "I'm in love with you."



Then maybe some day it'll move up to "I love you." Fast forward, now you're like "I love you a lot; I love you more than anything in life." Now "I love you" doesn't work. It's a threshold that keeps moving up. Fast forward, like six months, six weeks, whatever the case may be, now you're on like, "I want to marry you" "I want to impregnate you with my love" "I wanna, I wanna just send my love to you." "Damn it, words don't work anymore!" And then you say this line, and you know, you know you've used this line before, "I just wish they'd put a new word in the dictionary bigger than love because love just doesn't describe what I feel."



And so now he or she starts asking, "Do you love me?" and you start going, "Of course I love you." "Well say it." And then it becomes, "Say it twice." And she goes, "Say it three times." And then, you cross a really interesting point, where all the sudden it becomes, "I hate you, I hate you!" And you go, "Oh my god she hates me." And now it's like, "I hate you more than anything." And then it's like, "We're over." And then they go, "No we're not." And you g, "Yes we are."



Now the words completely do not work at all, you're left with nothing. You're throwing punches under water. You're done.



You know what the moral of that story is, if there is one. Never, ever, ever, ever underestimate the power of "I'd like that."



- John Mayer, Any Given Thursday

annie freaking rocks my towels!

SO! she had this epicly amazing idea about making a playlist for each month, and top 10 songs. but i want 13. why? well.. we kinda know why. well annie does. maybe. & if danielle ever sees this she'll laugh, and punch me in the side & say ew hes ugly. but whatever! i love this idea. so. its gonna be my favorite songs. & i'll list them and maybe talk about them. maybe i won't. but i'm REALLY excited to do this! & look back over the year and see what changes, and why i loved a certain song, or not... anyway. REALLY REALLY excited about this! thanks Annie, you SO beasted this one shug. at 4:00 am :) i loooove you! & your ultimate randomness hahaha. OH! annie. remind me to tell you about will hahahaha. wow. sometimes i just .. have NO idea about guys, but thats a whole 'nother story that y'all don't get to read, sorry. ah! okay. music time!

1. Don't know why-Norah Jones

2. Lollipop-Framing Hanley

3. Wait for Me- Theory of a Deadman

4. Superman (It's Not Easy) - Five for Fighting

5. Touch My Body - Mariah Carey

6. Rain- Creed

7. Crush- Cute Is What We Aim For

8. Forever &amp Always (piano edition) - Taylor Swift

9. Anywhere But Here- SafetySuit

10. The Other Side of The Door- Taylor Swift

11. Jump Then Fall- Taylor Swift

12. If You Only Knew- Shinedown

13. Two Is Better Than One- Boys Like Girls ft. Taylor Swift

uhm, okay. taylor swift songs should explain theirselves. LOVE the lyrics.so so so much. like, the jump then fall; "I like the way you sound in the morning, we're on the phone and without a warning i realize your laugh sound is the best sound i have ever heard"  "i like the way you're everything i ever wanted" & all the lyrics from TOSOTD.

crush; loverr sang it :)

wait for me- SWEET song. omg.

so yeah. thats that. enjoy.

Dancing My Way to College; by Hilary Meg Piner, aka Bo

heeey guys! so. if you're in this area, you know that Hilary Piner hosted, put together, choreographed, decoroated, & did EVERYTHING for her senior project, a dance recital. well, it was tonight. & me? i can't really dance. js. but Bo [Hilary, its.. a long story. she's Bo, & I'm Jo.. she started the Jo nickname in 7th grade :) ] is an AMAZiNG dancer, so i knew it'd be good. i just had no clue it'd be THAT good. i was speechless. i smiled the whole time. it. was. amazing. like... ahh! hahaha. she choreographed all the dances, except 1, which her dance instructors danced to. iiiiiii loved it. faves? all. hahaha no, top fave would be Freeze, theeeen her & michaels dance, [which i did get teary eyed over, and i'll talk about later] and when i grow up. AND her pointe dance in the begining! & OMG, who wasn't crying during "do i make you proud" for her parents? wow. & Talen is such a great dancer! i loved waching him. & elani was gorg! & everybodyyyyy else :)

so anywayyyyy. i LOVED it. & i left her a voicemail as i left, and i was like, "BO! babe. okay. here's what i have to say. if you can do all this at SEVENTEEN [17], you're gonna be UNTOUCHABLE after college" i am like, SO excited to see where she goes, cause its gonna be AMAZING. in 10 years, when we have Dancing With the Stars, version 42, she'll be the carrie ann judge. no doubt about it. OR she could be like the leader of the dallas cowboy cheerleaders. or their choreographer. OR like, the most amazing dancer ever. wait. no or there. she IS going to be an amazing dancer. WHOAAAA everybody. she ALREADY IS. everything was sooo graceful :) her pointe was really good, & her dance to Keep Holding On for her grandma was BEAUTIFUL. ahhh. i'm just.. eek! :)

so. her & michael's dance. i was talking to alexie earlier, & telling her about it, and i said [and alexie will quote!] "dude. if they had been like, 25 or something, i SO would have expected him to get on one knee and propose at the end of that dance. it was soooooooo cute. & sweet. & AWEEEEEYYYYY! it was so so so so so pretttyyyyy! i love love love loveddd the song choice :) & the lifts were schmazing! ahhh. go hilary & michael :)

soooo yeahhh.. hilary will be teaching the future husband & i how to dance for our first dance hahaha. it was gorg. OH! whoa. her first wedding dance is gonna be amazing. i just realized that hahaha. ahh. i'm excited for her to hurry up & go to college & graduate & go to the beach & open a studio so i can helppp! but wait. we're the same age. & the same year in school. so. that would mean that I'M going to be out of college & a big girl by then. soooo. we can wait on that :) hahahaha.

so, hilary meg piner, i love you. you were amazing. i'm so proud of you, & i can't wait to see what else you can do :)

xoxo

sooo... i fail.

so. i said i was gonna do a thanksgiving blog... well that was a week ago. haven't done it.

i also said i was gonna do a loverr & beefay blog. that was last saturday. haven't done it yet.

ooooh well.

here's whats up with me, since i know y'all care so much.

-finals in 11 days. kill me please.
-1 semester away from not being a high school student anymore.
- i looooove my friends, so so so so much.
-danielle & i are definately blood sisters... we were seperated at birth. i think i could only love her this much as a sister.
-mallory is freaking amazing. her & her indian-ness ; hahaha. & she can put MY chaps on ;) hahaha, i loooove you PAiGEY!
-uh.. guys are.. wierd. & complicated. seriously, i know girls are wierd too, but all you have to do is tell us we're pretty, give us chocolate, & TEXT BACK. sorry. that just, like, eirks me. okay. thats not a word.. but y'all know. without taking like, 15 minutes to say "nm doin hw" like LEGIT ppl. it takes less than 5 seconds to say nm & hit send. ughey. okay.

aaaaaand one other thing. if you know 1 thing that makes me INSANELY happy, & is redicly easy to do, WHY don't you do it? it takes YOU less than a minute, & ughhhh! oh wait. you prolly forgot. i told you. flat. out. told. you. & you did it like, twice, & i was on top of the moooon. & then you stopped. guys have no brains.. sorry. js.

but i love love love love jess :) & danielle. & mallory. & danielle's facebook! hahaha. & annie. & maygen. & ughey i miss my giiiiiirls!

so yeah. there's alot of other stuff i could say... but i'll save that for another day.

loverrrr & beefay.

okay you guys.

if you follow me on twitter (if not, you SHOULD! www.twitter.com/itsjoyaknow ) or are friends with me on facebook, you prollllllyyyyy know that i get to see danielle & mallory [loverrrr & beefay, respectively] on saturday.

like, i'm more excited about seeing them than i am, for christmas. [with my balllller christmas present, hahaha] but guys. seriously. i. CANNOT. stand it. i honestly don't think i've been THIS excited for anything in a really, really, really long time. [esp. after may 31st... js.]

AND! y'all. danielle is 40 minutes away now.
shes in raleigh.
lunging Harvey.
& she called me.
and im like, YOU'RE NOT 4 HOURS & 45 MINUTES AWAY NOWWWWW!
omg.
but it still seems SOOOOO long off.
i have to go through tomorrow.
tomorrow night's drive to the beach.
friday. & trying not to get killed by meagan. or meghan. or megan. idk. idc.
& not being served cianyde [sp?] jello shots.
don't ask about that last one. itsssss & loverrrrr&boo kinda thing.
that happened this morning.
hahahahahahahaha wowwwww.
sorry. i just thought about our convo this morning, ittttt was redic.

but then again, its redic how much i miss & love & can't wait to see her.
so.
expect facebook, youtube, and this blog to BLOW UP come sunday.

& ima post a thanksgiving post tomorrow :)

loveee y'alllllllll :D

its the most wonderful time of the year...

i generally LOVE the holidays.
love love love.
& i do.

but now, i'm just..
scared & dreading them.
everybody thinks i'm doing faaaantastic w/ the whole grandma deal.
everybody but 2 people.
& i get to see all of those "everybody"'s within the next month & a half.
& i'm afraid i'm gonna break down infront of them.
& that would notttt be good.

so, as thanksgiving & then christmas approaches, i get to continue my wonderful ability of hiding my emotions & lying.
yay.

& then wait to talk to amy & danielle & cry hysterically & spill my guts to the only 2 people that really know whats going on.

yayyy.

ON a sweet note, i get to see beefay & loverrrrrr [mallory paige cobb & danielle taylor plourd] in 5 days. i'm about to cry i'm so excited.

& danielle has been teaching me lessons. & i loveeeee them! & her.
&its definatelyyyyy interesting, hahaha.
& some people are just SOOOO mature! aaack.

but i also dislike it when people think they know whats going on & offer advice when in reality they've known me for a MONTH. no shug, you don't know what i'm going through, so please, no thank you.

but y'all, these 3 people make me so happy. & i need to end this on a happy note. because i surprisingly have been REALLY happy this past week. well thats over now but its okay, cause the only man who has my heart is my daddy <3
so. here's to the people i can always count on <3

i'm scared.

i lost count of how many times i've typed a message here.
& i keep erasing it.

because i'm afraid that it will reveal too much.

or be too vauge.

or that one person will read it & freak out.
& i coudldn't stand losing that person.


I'm also afraid of getting too close.
&having that person leave.
like everyone else has.


I'm afraid that nobody will ever know.
& that i'll go my whole life with this feeling.
I'm afraid that i'll never come to peace with it.
i'm afraid that i'm trying SO hard to get over it, that i never will.


I'm afraid that i will fail.


i'm afraid that i'm getting too deep.
infact i know i am.
but i can't stop myself.


& i know i'm setting myself up for a major heartache.
but i can't stop myself.

i just wish you knew how much this has changed me.
because i'll never be the same.

& the truth is..

. . . everytime you call me baby, i melt inside.

grrr. & MUSiC!

okay. little rant here. i'm just REALLY mad & upset & frusterated & furious. so. mom *thought* she saw a mouse in the pantry. *thought*. SO. i had [still am, but im taking a break] to throw away EVERY single box of food we have in the pantry. EVERYTHING. 4 trashbags FULL of food. because there COULD be a mouse that COULD have gotten into the food. 4 trashbags. FULL. OF. FOOD. perfectly good food. i have YET to find any evidence of this mysterious mouse. but whatever. SO. we no longer have ANY typical food. cereal, crackers, cookies, oatmeal, potatoe chips, whatever is normally in a pantry we no longer have any. SO, i'm working my freaking butt off in there, throwing away food, seperating it so we can give some to the dogs, just, REALLY mad cause moms NOT helping "because she might see it". uh huh. and this is AFTER i complain about my really bad cramps & how i was looking foward to just chillaxing this afternoon. after i take her to michaels, sams, walmart, and other stores. we're gone from like 10-3. then i get to do all that crap. so THEN she tells me to go get the clorox out of the shop and put it in a spray bottle & clorox the now empty pantry. oookkkeeeyyyy doke. so i come in, and she tells me to go ahead & clorox the floor [we have linoleium flooring in the kitchen, the hardwood floors haven't been installed in there yet] while she goes with papa to ride around on the gator around the fields. yeah, i'm pretty sure my devil horns are visible.

BUT! good news.
i heard 2 AMAZING songs todayyyy! i'm excited about it. the first one is "two is better than one" by boys like girls & taylor swift, and the 2nd one is "if you only knew" by shinedown. i love shinedown more & more everyday. so here's linkageeeee! =)


& i'm completely serious that these 2 songs have made my day. i'm staying with peggy tonight, thankfully.& danielle hasn't gotten home yet. so my loverrrrr hasn't been able to releave my stress yet =) [&annie &mayg, yes, thats a vuage reference to YKWYW chapter 22, haha. oh &sheena would get that too <3 ] ANYWAY! the songs. if you only knew;

two is better than one;

mommy =)

OK. so in the midst of being at the hospital & being dizzy and all, the doctor [a hospitalist] saw on the CT scan a bunch of sinus fluid stopped up in her maxilary sinus, which is right under the eye. My daddy THEN had the idea to call in his ENT [ear, nose, and throat] specalist that had done surgery on him, to look at the sinus caviaties and see what was going on. so daddy had hte nurse call her at 7PM, and the doctor was there by 9 PM. she wanted to see more, so she scheduled more CT Scans for the next day. so mom had more done the next day, and the doctor told mom to come in when she was feeling better and they'd discuss it. so mom & dad went in yesterday, and they looked at the scans. the screws and titanium that is in her brain from where she ad her brain tumors are screwed into her sinus cavaties. the screw & plate in her jaw from her jaw surgery are ALSO pertruding into sinus cavaties. the piece of titanium, that is on her forehead, that y'all all have prolly seen, is DANGERIOUSLY close to the skin, and the doctor is afraid that it could literally bust through the skin. so the doctor thinks that all of the artificial stuff in her brain is causing all of her headaches. so, the options are 1) do nothing. 2) they would put a small camera up her nose, and be able to look around some, but you woudln't be able to see much. or 3), cut her skull open again, pull back the skin, and look around and take out & possibly replace the artificial stuff in her head. they kinda are suggesting option #3, but of course we are weary. please continue to pray for her dizzy-ness to stop, and for us to figure out which option we should do. thanks so much! :)

someone

life has been CRAZY. mom being rushed to the ER, stumping the doctors, being admitted, her being okay.. dealing w/ life w/ all this, and smiling the whole time. & you know how they say love comes unexpectedly? well yeah, it does :) so i'll post a whole update on mom later, but for now, meg gets the spotlight for sending this to me :)

"sometimes it seems like you are the only one in the world who's struggling, who's frusterated, unsatisfied, barely getting by. but that feeling is a lie & if you just hold on, just find the courage to face it all for another day, someone will find you & make it all okay. because we all need a little help sometimes; someone to help us hear the music in their world, to remind us that it won't always this way. that someone is out there. and that someone will find you."

i don't know who said it, where it came from, or anything. i just get a message with that and and a heart in it, and it kinda made my day. :)

i stand in awe of you <3

annie caught me singing this. repeatidly. we sung it in youth choir today, and i reallllly love this song :)

tear

ever feel like you want to cry, but can't? i do. and i wonder why i feel *so* sad inside, but yet i can't make my eyes cry. and all i want to do is grab my old teddy bear, cuddle up, and cry myself to sleep. because it gives you some sense of comfort, but i just can't. cry for love lost, pepole lost, and feelings you'll never feel again. hugs you'll never get again. food you'll never taste again. seeing that smile, hearing that laugh, and feeling that way. and thats me right now. at 12:29A.M., saturday morning.

NC State Fair! :)

sorry its a couple days late, but better late than never. so here we go!

halter; 1st under both judges
*grand champion youth gelding* under both judges! :)

sms; 1st under both :) i was really happy with parker, but i made a stupid mistake. you had to trot around cones, and then back up to where your hip was in-line with with the judge, so when you piovoted 90 degrees you would be inline with the judge. well stupid me didn't back up enough, i needed 2 more steps to be even. but even with that mistake, i was still able to win :) so i was happy. espicially with parker, he was really good, i was just beating myself up for a stupid, novice mistake.

novice youth wp; 1st under both. okay. so i get on right as they are finishing the hour long break, and there is 1 class before mine. and, of course, parker is SUPER SUPER SUPER fresh. even after i lunged for almost an hour, and hes bowing up & crow hopping and i'm like GREATTTT. so i try to get as much energy out as fast as possible, and then i realize i have my bigger spurs on than i normally do, so i send mom back to the trailer to get my small spurs. so right as mom is comming back, they start calling for my class so i hollar to mr. lester HOLD THE GATE! TACK CHANGE! so they hold the gate for me [they were so nice! :) ] and i get them changed and lope off, lope through the chute and break to a jog and jog in. PHEW. he's OK, not the best, but it could have been worse.

14-18 WP; 1st under both. there was only 1 class in b/w my other WP class & this one, so again i didn't have much time to wear him out. but i basically loped out of the class and loped the whole. 7. minutes. so i got some energy out. he was better than the first class, so i was pleased with his improvement.

NY HMS: 1&2. good pattern. didn't really understand the placing.

14-18. 2&2. this REALLY REALLY confused me. [and ticked me off] the girl who won had NO change of speed from her 2 circles, and i most obviously did. *siiiiiigh* we've all won classes we didn't deserve to win, so i guess you gotta lose classes you deserve to win.

open trail; 6&6. they asked me to fill to make 10 so i agree'ed. i basically didn't know the pattern, and didn't get a chance to practice it, so we did pretty good. the only thing we did BAD that docked us that low was we stepped out of the "L" back through, which docked us that low.

youth trail; 1&1. i was SO proud of parker! they had elevated lope overs, and he didn't tick a single one :) i was smiling the whole time. really, really, REALLY happy with him. ABSOLUTELY amazing way to end the night. prolly one of our best trail runs.. so happy.

:)


http://dontrout.com/photo_store/watermark.php?i=52391

http://dontrout.com/photo_store/watermark.php?i=52322

http://dontrout.com/photo_store/watermark.php?i=52333

red light <3

So this is how it ends
This is where it all goes down
This is what "I don't love you" feels like

It ain't the middle of the night
And it ain't even raining outside
It ain't exactly what I had in mind
For goodbye


At a red light in the sunshine
On a Sunday
Nothin' to say
Don't even try
Some are comin' home
Some are leavin' town
While my world's crashin' down
On a Sunday
In the sunshine
At a red light



I thought she was gonna say
Somethin' about that couple kissin'
Crossin' the street
Or somethin' about this beautiful day
But she just looked me in the eye
Said it's over
Didn't try to lie
Or pick a fight
I might have seen it comin' thata way

But at a red light in the sunshine
On a Sunday
Nothin' to say
Don't even try
Some are comin' home
Some are leavin' town
While my world's crashin' down
On a Sunday
In the sunshine
At a red light



There's a momma calmin' down a little baby
In the backseat in front of me
There's an old man dressed in his Sunday best
Just waitin' on green
But I can't see, gettin' past

This red light
In the sunshine
On a Sunday
Nothin' to say
Don't even try
Some are comin' home
Some are leavin' town
While my world's crashin' down
On a Sunday in the sunshine
At a red light


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3vQDWDoS8dQ
(it won't let me embed, but you need to listn to this song. it is SO good)
red light; david nail.

its kinda from a reverse approach, but still.

i would have never guessed it would have went down this way. and it didn't hurt until i realized that he didn't realize how bad he hurt me.

so yeah. sheea + danielle + mallory + music + parker = me getting bye.
thanks guys, i love you<3

bad days & disapointment

okay. just as surely as you breath & die, people will disapoint you. and it sucks. i hate disapointment. i hate disapointing people, i hate the feeling, and i hate when people disapoint me. i just; don't like it. and just other crappy stuff has happened today and just left me in a bad mood and just having a bad day for the first time in a loooong time. i'm not really in a 'bad mood' all that often, something will tick me off and i'll be mad for a frew hours, but never anything thats just, kept me mad/sad all day. well today it has.

and its okay. like Lady A. said, "i guess its better to hurt than to feel nothing at all." so, i guess i'm alive. i'm living life. and i'll get over it, and i'll be a stronger person for it, i guess. idk. either way, life doesn't slow down and wait just because i'm having a bad day and i've been screwed with. so i could sit here and keep writing about this sucky day, and throw a freaking pity party for myself, or i could build a bridge and get over it and live my life. so, thats what i'm gonna do. i'm going to go ride parker, play with madison, and enjoy a phone call thats about to come any second.

but 2 things that have gotten me through this day ; taylor swift & annie plecki. [i think i got it right?] but yeah. seriously. blasting taylor and talking to annie. she makes me laugh. alot. and smile, and just, idk. makes me feel good, somehow. and taylor? goshhhh i love her songs. prolly cause i'm about the same age, and she writes about the crap that we've all gone through, and idk. she's not the best musician. she's not the best singer. she's not the best song writer. but i don't care. she gets to me, her songs mean alot to me, and she truly is one of my favorite singers. and i love her songs. and thats why i blast her on a bad day.

okay. off to my parker <33

stuff & the weekend.

soooo, i haven't exactely blogged in a while. because there's not much to say.. <-- lie. idk. its just, i haven't felt like the world needed to hear all of my problems i've been dealing with. and i know some of you are like, "psh, you tell me everything!" and i do. for a reason. i trust you. i know your not gonna go behind my back and talk about me, you seem to actually CARE, and idk, i just feel like i can tell them any & everything. weather they like it or not... lol. but yeah. you know who you are. so, since those 4 very special people have been taking care of me, i'm kinda filled up on my "help-o-meter". and lemme tell ya. i've had some major.. girl-issues this past week. but its good now. but i do think i needa just shut up sometimes. so i'm gonna try that. shutting up. but it prolly won't work. but i am going to try, cause you prolly hate me w/ all i tell haha.

so now that i've got that outta the way, i can talk about what i did this weekend! wooo.

thursday; i went to West Johnson's JV football game, to see Robert play & stuff. they lost, really really badly, but Robert had a couple sacks and had alot of tackles', so it was good :) he's # 59; aka, the biggest guy on the team. (pretty much anyway)

Friday; DATE NIGHT WITH THE BEST FRIENDDDDD! ahhh. excited. so, we basically ate at El Tap, went to marshall's, ross, rue 21, and starbucks. ahhhh. so amazing. she pretty much fixed everything, and i was so happy =)

and like did you seriously expect us to go shopping WITHOUT trying on the most hideous dresses we could find? please.

Saturday; NC State/Wake Forest game; eeekkkkkkkkk. we started out really good. then it went downhill. until like, 5 minutes left in the game. we almost made a comback, buuuuttttt, ugh. lets just not talk about it.

Sunday; homecomming @ church, good food and stuff. then i did nothing. all day. omg, soooo amazing. theeeen the chargers/steelers game. eeek. again. i mean, honestly. it was a terrible weekend for football. except that unc lost, WOOT WOOT! but we did make a comback, but we still sucked & lost. ugh.

so what did i learn from this weekend? i have the best best friend in the whole entire world, like ever and ever, and philip rivers is ultimately the sexiest, hottest guy on the earth.

good weekend <3

get lost.

do you ever just wanna, drive & get lost? completely lose touch with reality...

just skip town with the person who means the most, and leave cell phones and computers at home, and just go.

leave all the drama & bs and crap at home, forget the ones who betrayed you, the ones who hurt you, and just be with who really means the most?

forget all your worries, all your troubles, all your heartache.

and just DRIVE. ending up, who knows where. just.. leave.

yeah. i wanna get lost. i feel like i need to get lost. &i need you now.

R.I.P. Bella

last night, around 1am, i got a terrifying phone call from Dan & Kristi saying that Bella died. it abs. broke my heart.

for those of you that don't know, Bella was a spotted draft horse. She was by far the friendliest giant you'll ever meet. she had no idea how big she was. she was truly a big ol' teddy bear. and her neck was, HUGE. in the winter, she was so much fun to sit on bareback and mess around, because she kept you warm! haha. she was so big, it was like sitting on a couch. and talk about being bow-legged when you got off! haha. bella's canter was HUGE. well i mean obviously, she was a draft horse, but it was sooooo different than any other canter i've ever ridden.

for the Bailey Christmas Parade 2 years ago, Sissy rode Bella, and I walked buddy, and they were parts of our float. that was definately really cool.

but she was just, a really really cool horse. SO gentle & sweet, but she would try to get her way sometimes too, so you would have to get on her a little bit.

but you'll never find another horse like her, and  I am so honored to have been able to ride her & know her, and I'm so thankful to say that she was the first draft horse I ever rode.

You'll forever live in my heart <3

complex

i do. i really really do.

and i give myself a complex.

for example.

if i don't talk to somebody for a few days, i freak out, and think they're superly pissed at me or something. so then, i replay EVERYTHING we've said within the past few days trying to analyze what i did to tick them off, or make them mad at me.

or, if somebody posts a tweet or blog or status update about somebody annoying them, or being selfish, or being a *itch, i like, freak out and think its about me and then beat myself over a thousand times.

then, i finally get to talk to that person, and they're not mad at me. they've just been REALLY busy. & i havne't screwed up this amazing relationship i have with that person.

talk about being relieved.

and i can finally breathe again.

like, the world is no longer on my shoulders. it feels SO good. even tho i've prolly added a few gray hairs from FREAKING out so much, but yeah.

its one of my many quirks. =)

I can make playlists, too!

so gosh, it seemed like EVERYBODY was making new playlists today! sheena, KC, callie, everybody.. SO, i made one too! this one is really.. random. as always. so, i hope you enjoy! so far, i'm REALY liking it :)

it left some off, so here are the ones at the bottom;

-how to save a life; the fray

-100 years; Five for Fighting

-I don't want to wait; Paula Cole

-Babylon; David Gray

-Stolen; Dashboard Confessional

-Smile; Uncle Cracker

so yeah, super cheesey, haha, but thats OK. and yeah, i'm kinda addicted to SGAHFM, chuuuknowwwittttt Sheena!

enjoy :)

To whom it may concern..

I am hereby officially tendering my resignation as an adult. I have decided I would like to accept the responsibilities of an 8 year old again. I want
to go to McDonald's and think that it's a four star restaurant. I want to sail sticks across a fresh mud puddle and make ripples with rocks. I want to
think M&Ms are better than money because you can eat them. I want to play dodgeball at recess and paint with watercolors in art. I want to lie under a
big oak tree and run a lemonade stand with my friends on a hot summer's day.

I want to return to a time when life was simple. When all you knew were colors, multiplication tables, and nursery rhymes, but that didn't bother you,
because you didn't know what you didn't know and you didn't care. All you knew was to be happy because you were blissfully unaware of all the things
that should make you worried or upset.

I want to think the world is fair. That everyone is honest and good. I want to believe that anything is possible. Somewhere in our youth, we matured
and learned too much. There are nuclear weapons, war, prejudice, and abused children. Lies, unhappy marriages, illness, pain, and death. A world where
companies poison our water and our soil, and children kill. What happened to the time when we thought that everyone would live forever, because we
didn't grasp the concept of death? When the worst thing in the world was if someone took the jump rope from you or picked you last for kickball. I
want to be oblivious to the complexities of life and be overly excited by the little things again. I want to return to the days when children played
hide-n-seek outside instead of being glued to a television, when video games were as harmless as Pac-Man...instead of spine-ripping, blood-splattering
mind numbers like Mortal Combat, and TV still had some shows on that weren't about sex, killing, and lies.

I remember being naive and thinking everyone was happy because I was. Afternoons were spent climbing trees and fences and riding my bike. I never
worried about time, bills, or where I was going to find the money to fix my car. I used to wonder what I was going to do or be when I grew up, not
worry about what I'll do if this doesn't work out. I want to live simple again.

I don't want my day to consist of computer crashes, mountains of paperwork, depressing news, how to survive more days in the month than there is money
in the bank, doctor bills, gossip, illness, and loss of loved ones. I want to believe in the power of smiles, hugs, a kind word, truth, justice,
peace, dreams, the imagination, mankind, and making angels in the snow.

So.... here's my checkbook and my car-keys, my credit card bills and my 401K statements. I am officially resigning from adulthood. And if you want to
discuss this further, you'll have to catch me first, cause, "Tag! You're it."

okay. i realize i'm only 17, and not an 'adult', but this made me smile, so yeah. enjoy!

agree?

maybe we expect more from others because we would be willing to do THAT much for them...

music & such..

So. Last night, I asked sheen for her workout playlist. So, she posted
it on her blog, and after I about killed myself from running, we
started talking. About music; not that that surprising, we talk alot
about music. But idk how, ibstarred talking about older country.
Theeeeen I got to thinking about how miss Peggy and mr. Gearld tought
me about music when I was little. And sherlin would come and we'd
dance around and stuff. And one of the earliest songs I can remember
is "you don't seem to miss me" by patty loveless and george jones. And
athe ripe ol age of 5, I didn't really know what it was about. But now
I get it... But anyway. I never really thought about it, but hey
tought me to love music. Everytime we'd get in the car, the radio
would come on, and that's when I fell on love with country.

And then Sheena and I started talking about genre's. And we decided
that there needs to be 2 genres. New country, and country. George
jones, patty lovless, george straight, Kenny chesney, Garth Brooks,
Vince gill, Martina mcbride, Tim McGraw, brad paisley, etc. Belong in
the country genre.

Taylor swift, Carrie underwood, keith urban, dierks bentley, billy
currington, Jason aldean, lady a. zac brown band, Kellie pickler,
Julianne hough, James Otto, would be in the other one.

Now don't get me wrong. I love both groups, just differently. The
first ones are the classics. THe legends. The people who made country
what it is. The new group is defining it. They get highschool girls
through the bad days. Give us something to look at :) ya know

So wow, that was kinda pointless. Ohh well. I'll always remember
patty& George singing, and falling in love with country music :)

Xoxo, jo

am i completely crazy? i think i'm completely crazy.

okay. so. the holiday is on. the movie.. its REALLY good. i love it. FLOVE jude law! actually, i'm not WATCHING it, moms watching it in the other room & i'm listening. and i'm in my room on Andrew, writing this. soo.. yeah. okay. anyway, on to why i think i'm abs. crazy.

i saw this movie last year, 3 days before christmas, with sherlon & miss peggy. sherlon & i had went out to eat at the cheesecake factory, got our make up done @ bobbi brown, and shopped. we started at like, 3pm, and got home at like, 10, and then watched the movie. i finally went to bed around 1:30, haha. SUCH an amazing day. and listening now, i declare i'm back in their living room, sipping french vanilla coffe, miss peggy ANNOYINGLY quoting everything they say, snuggle up on the couch with a blanket, and sherlon at the other end. and i want to BAWL. just weep like crazy. cry my eyes out. why? I HAVE NO FREAKING EARTHLY IDEA! gah! like, am i longing the sense of 'perfectness' that day? or just the simplicity. or just, everything was 'right' then, as far as personal drama.

OR, maybe its cause i love CHRISTMAS time SOOO much, i just, miss it. or i don't know.

but i'm practically crying just thinking about that day. i want to go back to that day. that day beasted. majorly. SO much.

&i'm like that about other days too. but that day REALLY sticks out right now.

i don't know. i know i'm probably really crazy, and i probably need a shrink, and i'm so so so so sorry.

is it THAT hard to have a backbone?

I am just SO, SO SO SO freaking sick and tired of people NOT having a backbone. not being able to stand up for what they believe in. for not being able to stay true to their word.

the last one REALLY gets under my skin. some kinda bad. it honestly makes me want to smack people. and its like, gah, its okay if we DISAGREE on stuff, just, don't agree with me cause its easier, then when the time comes, completely leave me standing alone.

it just seems like, now, its easier to just keep going back on your word & lying than to keep your word & stand by your beliefs.

what happened to me?

where did i go? when did i lose myself? who i am now is NOT who i used to be. and, to some extent, thats good.. but there's one part of me that is SO different.

now, EVERYTIME i hear a sad song, i break down crying. i cry SO much more than i used to. if i read a freaking fictional story about somebody dying, i start crying. cry over ANYTHING now. not, a like, oh my gosh she said i was fat! kinda way, but like.. death-way. i mean, i'm SO emotional now and thats NOT who i am. i'm the strong one. i'm the one who people come to when they need help and a shoulder to cry on.

and now, everytime i see her freaking picture or hear a song or read a FREAKING STORY i just, lose it. and maybe i need to get it out. for a while after grandma godwin died i would cry at night, but it was never like this. i had one BIG bad breakdown adn then it was just, better. but not this. it won't end.

and maybe i need to get it all out? idk. but, its like, i don't know. i don't know what to say. cause i (in a sense) don't know who i am anymore. all i can do is think about the future and how she won't be there. and that just abs. kills me. sooooo much. it tears. me. down. and it holds me down. i mean, i barely made it through my first birthday party without her. what about graduation? its only months away. going of to college? she always said she wasn't going to let me go, and she was going to move in with me. and she always said she was gonna shoot the first boy i brought home cause nobody was good enough for her ta-ta. i was her ta-ta. that was really like the only real 'nickname/pet name' i ever had, other than what daddy calls me. and i know its stupid, but i miss her calling me that SO much. and i'm afraid of when i wont' be able to remember her voice. the way her skin smelled. the way her face had those funky wrinkles. how when i would spend the night with them, she would put her face cream on me too, even tho it was for old women. and how when i was a little girl, she would give me a bath in their tub even tho i was big enough to take one on my own, and how she had that old cracker barrel cup that she rinsed me off with. what happens when i can't remember that? what happens when, i just, don't have those memories? what do i remember then? how do i remember her?

i'm afraid. what happens at my wedding when my 'grandparent' isle is empty? (other than papa) when my kids want to know about my grandma? why they don't have a great-grandma?

i remember that she had these shoes, that were like, 50 thousand years old, haha. they were these flip flops she bought in key-west, and they were pink & purple & green & blue. and i LOVED them. probably because they were colorful. and she had this outfit, it was just like, a cotton shirt & shorts, in this wierd floral material. and i loved it SO SO SO SO SO much. i have NO idea why. but every year on my birthday, she would always wear that outfit and those shoes. they didn't match, oh goodness they didn't match. but she always wore them, because they were my favorite. and idk, i just remembered that.. prolly from the time i was 4, up until my 16th birthday party.. she always wore it. even when it had holes, she always wore it.

and of my 17th she didn't.

6 months & 1 day.

woooo! i cannot. simply cannot believe i've known annie for 6 months. feels like, 6 decades. but shes a baby so thats impossible. but yeah. she is so... crazy, and wild, and predictable yet i'm always surprised at what she does/says. i have a tonnnnnn of control over her, its like, crazy. and i've taught her awot too. but she's tought me a wots too! so, since i'm the one thats good with the sweet stuff, i'm gonna try and be sweet, haha.

she ALWAYS makes me laugh. well, its more like a, eyes big as saucers, mouth in an "O" and eye brows reachign the stars kinda way.. but she never fails.

she's put up wiht more of my *crap than anybody.

she knows me (scarily) wayyyy too well.

we have SO many inside jokes i can't remember them all.

we have the BEST game ever, called 3-2. :) be jealous.

SHE can turn ANYTHING into some really slutty comment. but its okay, cause i kinda made her that way (with the help of Sheena, of course)

i'm gradually making her a football fan.

i make fun of her alot but she knows i don't mean it :)

she's going to teach me how to twirl a baton thingey, she just doesn't know it yet.

shes like, the most goth-rocker chick girl i've ever met, and she thinks thats insaneeee.

i have changed her SO much. like, yeah.

i make her laugh alot too.

she's perfectly okay with a vegas wedding.

she's fully prepared for me to turn into bridezilla.

she's the best researcher EVER, and she will be fully reimbursed eventually :)

i use up all of her minutes, but thats okay.

i practically own her facebook profile.

aaaand shes just... one of my favorite friends ever.

&idk where i'd be w/o her.

so this is for you, mrs. annie rose peleckie trevor drumma booiiiii colletti!

loved & lost?

Got a date a week from Friday with a preacher's son
Everybody says he's crazy
I'll have to wait and see

I finally moved to Jackson when the summer came
I won't have to pay that boy to rake my leaves

I'm probably going on and on
It seems I'm doing more of that these days


I probably wouldn't be this way
I probably wouldn't hurt so bad
I never pictured every minute without you in it
Oh You left so fast
Sometimes I see you standing there
Sometimes it's like I'm losing touch
Sometimes I feel like I'm so lucky to have had the chance to love this much
God gave me a moment's grace
'Cause if I'd never seen your face
I probably wouldn't be this way

Mama says that I just shouldn't speak to you
Susan says that I should just move on

You oughta see the way these people look at me
When they see me 'round here talking to this stone

Everybody thinks I've lost my mind
But I just take it day by day


I probably wouldn't be this way
I probably wouldn't hurt so bad
I never pictured every minute without you in it
Oh You left so fast
Sometimes I see you standing there
Sometimes I feel an angel's touch
Sometimes I feel like I'm so lucky to have had the chance to love this much
God gave me a moment's grace
'Cause if I'd never seen your face
I probably wouldn't be this way

Probably wouldn't be this way

Got A Date a week from Friday with a preacher's son
Everybody says I'm crazy
I'll have to wait and see



so. its more about losing her husband than a grandparent, but still seems somewhat fitting. & i promise, all my posts won't always be this depressing & sad! haha. but, like the song says, ya know, what if you never met the person? what if you never loved them? never got to know everything about them? theirs likes, their dislikes? would you be any better? sometimes i think so, but then, i realize i never got to meet my grandpa godwin. daddy's dad. and i often think about him. everybody talks about him, but i would have really liked to have known him. just, to know him. even if i could just meet him for a day, i think it'd be so cool. what would he tell me? what adivice would he give me? what would he teach me how to do? would he be proud of me? would he like Parker? would he come to my horse shows? now, obviously, the answer to those last 3 questions are yes, but still.. what area of life would he be REALLY good at?

my papa is AMAZING at any kind of animal question. he knows so much abotu them. and he knows what all the crops are in the fields, too. so what would grandpa godwin know? what would he teach me? grandma godwin tought me how to sew. grandma tought me how to cook, and medical stuff. papa teaches me how to dress birds, and hunt, and take care of animals.

so, even tho i'm really sad about what happened with grandma, i still learned SO much. and yes, if i never met her, i wouldn't be this sad and depressed & have such a different look on life, but look at what else i would be missing out on! i woudln't have an AMAZING pearl necklace that my papa gives me pearls for, i woudln't know how to make biscuits that are HEAVENLY. i woudln't know how to properly clean a wound. i woudln't know how to hem pants. i woudln't know how to fry steak, or pick fruit from the store. and i could go on and on and ON about all the things she tought me.

so, is it better to have loved & lost than to have never loved it all? well for me, its better to have loved & lost. cause i have the memories to soothe the pain, a horse to wipe the tears, and friends to hug.

agree?

I love her <3

TriGerAlandSlide (11:23:03 PM): "can i borrow your field?"
nvr lose hope92 (11:23:05 PM): mrs. austin nichols
nvr lose hope92 (11:23:10 PM): & mrs. will
nvr lose hope92 (11:23:12 PM): why yes, yes you can!
TriGerAlandSlide (11:23:15 PM): this is amazing.
TriGerAlandSlide (11:23:19 PM): i love our lives
nvr lose hope92 (11:23:27 PM): i love you for being in my life
TriGerAlandSlide (11:23:27 PM): spesh cause ur my friend
TriGerAlandSlide (11:23:31 PM):
nvr lose hope92 (11:23:34 PM):
nvr lose hope92 (11:23:43 PM): youz mah bass fraaaaan
TriGerAlandSlide (11:24:00 PM): likewise! dont make me cry
nvr lose hope92 (11:24:20 PM): cuz you sang me SWEET SILVER LINING when muh grammie died and i still play it when i'm sad and it makes me cryyyyy cause your so sweet
nvr lose hope92 (11:24:21 PM):
TriGerAlandSlide (11:24:23 PM): ive got u makin me cry! and millie writing down the things that evil bitch mom told brooke she couldnt dooo
TriGerAlandSlide (11:24:31 PM):
nvr lose hope92 (11:24:37 PM): you've got me makin me cry
TriGerAlandSlide (11:24:49 PM): !!!
TriGerAlandSlide (11:24:59 PM): im not good with words, out loud...
TriGerAlandSlide (11:25:06 PM): but i can write, and sing.. horrribly
nvr lose hope92 (11:25:12 PM): you sing WONDERFULLY
nvr lose hope92 (11:25:14 PM): so shut up
TriGerAlandSlide (11:25:27 PM): NO I DONT
nvr lose hope92 (11:25:30 PM): YES YOU DO
nvr lose hope92 (11:25:36 PM): YOU SING GOOD
TriGerAlandSlide (11:25:40 PM): I DO NO!
TriGerAlandSlide (11:25:43 PM): T
TriGerAlandSlide (11:25:45 PM): NOT
nvr lose hope92 (11:25:45 PM): and thats super sized
nvr lose hope92 (11:25:47 PM): YES
nvr lose hope92 (11:25:48 PM): YOU
nvr lose hope92 (11:25:49 PM): DO
nvr lose hope92 (11:25:50 PM): SING
nvr lose hope92 (11:25:53 PM): VERY
nvr lose hope92 (11:25:53 PM): WELL
nvr lose hope92 (11:25:54 PM): AND
nvr lose hope92 (11:25:54 PM): YOU
nvr lose hope92 (11:25:55 PM): NEED
nvr lose hope92 (11:25:56 PM): TO
nvr lose hope92 (11:25:56 PM): HAVE
nvr lose hope92 (11:25:57 PM): SOME
nvr lose hope92 (11:25:58 PM): FAITH
nvr lose hope92 (11:25:58 PM): IN
nvr lose hope92 (11:26:00 PM): YOURSELF
nvr lose hope92 (11:26:01 PM): CAUSE
nvr lose hope92 (11:26:02 PM): YOU
nvr lose hope92 (11:26:03 PM): BOMB
nvr lose hope92 (11:26:04 PM): SINGING!
nvr lose hope92 (11:26:05 PM): IN A
nvr lose hope92 (11:26:06 PM): GOOD
nvr lose hope92 (11:26:07 PM): WAY
nvr lose hope92 (11:26:07 PM): SO
nvr lose hope92 (11:26:08 PM): SHUT
nvr lose hope92 (11:26:09 PM): UP
nvr lose hope92 (11:26:10 PM): NOW
TriGerAlandSlide (11:26:13 PM): JORDAN
TriGerAlandSlide (11:26:15 PM): Taylor
TriGerAlandSlide (11:26:17 PM): GOODWIN
TriGerAlandSlide (11:26:19 PM): YOU
TriGerAlandSlide (11:26:19 PM): ARE
TriGerAlandSlide (11:26:20 PM): THE
TriGerAlandSlide (11:26:23 PM): SWEETEST
TriGerAlandSlide (11:26:24 PM): PERSON
TriGerAlandSlide (11:26:24 PM): EVER
TriGerAlandSlide (11:26:27 PM): STOP
TriGerAlandSlide (11:26:27 PM): IT
TriGerAlandSlide (11:26:30 PM): CAUSE
TriGerAlandSlide (11:26:31 PM): YOU
TriGerAlandSlide (11:26:32 PM): ARE
TriGerAlandSlide (11:26:33 PM): MAKING
TriGerAlandSlide (11:26:34 PM): ME
TriGerAlandSlide (11:26:36 PM): CRY
TriGerAlandSlide (11:26:38 PM): AND
TriGerAlandSlide (11:26:39 PM): I
TriGerAlandSlide (11:26:41 PM): DONT
TriGerAlandSlide (11:26:43 PM): LIKE
TriGerAlandSlide (11:26:46 PM): IT
TriGerAlandSlide (11:26:49 PM): AT
nvr lose hope92 (11:26:50 PM): WELL
nvr lose hope92 (11:26:50 PM): TOO
nvr lose hope92 (11:26:51 PM): BAD
TriGerAlandSlide (11:26:51 PM): ALL
nvr lose hope92 (11:26:52 PM): CAUSE
nvr lose hope92 (11:26:52 PM): YOU
nvr lose hope92 (11:26:53 PM): ARE
nvr lose hope92 (11:26:53 PM): GOOD
TriGerAlandSlide (11:26:54 PM): OKAY
nvr lose hope92 (11:26:54 PM): AT
nvr lose hope92 (11:26:54 PM): LOTS
nvr lose hope92 (11:26:55 PM): OF
nvr lose hope92 (11:26:56 PM): STUFF
nvr lose hope92 (11:26:57 PM): SO
TriGerAlandSlide (11:26:57 PM): I
nvr lose hope92 (11:26:58 PM): IM
nvr lose hope92 (11:26:58 PM): GOING
TriGerAlandSlide (11:26:59 PM): DO
nvr lose hope92 (11:26:59 PM): TO
nvr lose hope92 (11:27:00 PM): TELL
nvr lose hope92 (11:27:01 PM): YOU
TriGerAlandSlide (11:27:02 PM): LIKE
nvr lose hope92 (11:27:02 PM): THAT
nvr lose hope92 (11:27:03 PM): YOUR GOOD
TriGerAlandSlide (11:27:04 PM): IT
TriGerAlandSlide (11:27:09 PM): GRANDMA
TriGerAlandSlide (11:27:10 PM): DEB
TriGerAlandSlide (11:27:15 PM): WEARS
TriGerAlandSlide (11:27:16 PM): TIGHT
TriGerAlandSlide (11:27:18 PM): PANTS
nvr lose hope92 (11:27:20 PM): AND
nvr lose hope92 (11:27:21 PM): SEE
nvr lose hope92 (11:27:21 PM): YOU
nvr lose hope92 (11:27:22 PM): GO
nvr lose hope92 (11:27:22 PM): FROM
nvr lose hope92 (11:27:23 PM): MAKING
nvr lose hope92 (11:27:24 PM): ME
nvr lose hope92 (11:27:24 PM): CRY
nvr lose hope92 (11:27:25 PM): TO
nvr lose hope92 (11:27:27 PM): LAUGH
TriGerAlandSlide (11:27:35 PM): IM
nvr lose hope92 (11:27:36 PM): JUST REASON #22 WHY I LOVE YOU SO MUCH <3
TriGerAlandSlide (11:27:37 PM): AMAZING
TriGerAlandSlide (11:28:08 PM): JAMIE
TriGerAlandSlide (11:28:09 PM): SCOTT
TriGerAlandSlide (11:28:10 PM): IS
TriGerAlandSlide (11:28:10 PM): SO
TriGerAlandSlide (11:28:11 PM): SHORT
TriGerAlandSlide (11:28:13 PM): ITS
TriGerAlandSlide (11:28:16 PM): ADORBALE
nvr lose hope92 (11:28:37 PM): okay, lets forget oth and go back to how amazing we are
nvr lose hope92 (11:28:38 PM): hahahahahah
TriGerAlandSlide (11:28:51 PM): YOU
TriGerAlandSlide (11:28:52 PM): ARE
TriGerAlandSlide (11:28:53 PM): MORE
TriGerAlandSlide (11:28:54 PM): AMAZING
TriGerAlandSlide (11:28:55 PM): THEN
TriGerAlandSlide (11:28:56 PM): ME
TriGerAlandSlide (11:28:58 PM): BECAUSE
TriGerAlandSlide (11:29:03 PM): YOU
TriGerAlandSlide (11:29:04 PM): JUST
TriGerAlandSlide (11:29:04 PM): ARE
TriGerAlandSlide (11:29:06 PM): GOOD
TriGerAlandSlide (11:29:07 PM): FOR
TriGerAlandSlide (11:29:09 PM): YOU?
nvr lose hope92 (11:29:23 PM): wait. what?
nvr lose hope92 (11:29:35 PM): YOU
nvr lose hope92 (11:29:35 PM): ARE
nvr lose hope92 (11:29:36 PM): MORE
nvr lose hope92 (11:29:37 PM): AMAZING
nvr lose hope92 (11:29:38 PM): THAN
nvr lose hope92 (11:29:39 PM): ME
nvr lose hope92 (11:29:39 PM): MOST
nvr lose hope92 (11:29:41 PM): DEFINATELY
nvr lose hope92 (11:29:41 PM): SO
nvr lose hope92 (11:29:42 PM): SHUT
nvr lose hope92 (11:29:43 PM): UP
nvr lose hope92 (11:29:48 PM): END. OF. DISCUSSION.
TriGerAlandSlide (11:29:51 PM): we
TriGerAlandSlide (11:29:52 PM): are
TriGerAlandSlide (11:29:54 PM): both
TriGerAlandSlide (11:30:03 PM): equally
TriGerAlandSlide (11:30:04 PM): as
TriGerAlandSlide (11:30:05 PM): amazing
nvr lose hope92 (11:30:20 PM): yes.
nvr lose hope92 (11:30:20 PM): that
nvr lose hope92 (11:30:21 PM): is
nvr lose hope92 (11:30:21 PM): a
nvr lose hope92 (11:30:22 PM): god
nvr lose hope92 (11:30:24 PM): good*
nvr lose hope92 (11:30:25 PM): assumption
nvr lose hope92 (11:30:26 PM): now
nvr lose hope92 (11:30:26 PM): come
nvr lose hope92 (11:30:27 PM): back
nvr lose hope92 (11:30:27 PM): to
nvr lose hope92 (11:30:28 PM): NC
nvr lose hope92 (11:30:29 PM): and
nvr lose hope92 (11:30:31 PM): i
nvr lose hope92 (11:30:32 PM): will
nvr lose hope92 (11:30:33 PM): get
nvr lose hope92 (11:30:35 PM): you
nvr lose hope92 (11:30:36 PM): a
nvr lose hope92 (11:30:37 PM): southern
nvr lose hope92 (11:30:40 PM): boyfriend
nvr lose hope92 (11:30:41 PM): and
nvr lose hope92 (11:30:42 PM): we'll
nvr lose hope92 (11:30:43 PM): have
nvr lose hope92 (11:30:44 PM): cheesey
nvr lose hope92 (11:30:50 PM): double-dates
TriGerAlandSlide (11:31:20 PM): you
TriGerAlandSlide (11:31:21 PM): need
TriGerAlandSlide (11:31:21 PM): to
TriGerAlandSlide (11:31:23 PM): hook
TriGerAlandSlide (11:31:24 PM): me
TriGerAlandSlide (11:31:25 PM): up
TriGerAlandSlide (11:31:25 PM): with
TriGerAlandSlide (11:31:27 PM): boys
TriGerAlandSlide (11:31:29 PM): through
TriGerAlandSlide (11:31:30 PM): the
TriGerAlandSlide (11:31:32 PM): computer
TriGerAlandSlide (11:31:32 PM): and
TriGerAlandSlide (11:31:33 PM): it
TriGerAlandSlide (11:31:34 PM): will
TriGerAlandSlide (11:31:36 PM): make
TriGerAlandSlide (11:31:37 PM): my
TriGerAlandSlide (11:31:38 PM): life
TriGerAlandSlide (11:31:40 PM): easier
TriGerAlandSlide (11:31:43 PM): when
TriGerAlandSlide (11:31:46 PM): i
TriGerAlandSlide (11:31:48 PM): get
TriGerAlandSlide (11:31:51 PM): there
nvr lose hope92 (11:32:33 PM): OKAY
nvr lose hope92 (11:32:35 PM): i
nvr lose hope92 (11:32:36 PM): will
nvr lose hope92 (11:32:37 PM): get
nvr lose hope92 (11:32:38 PM): william
nvr lose hope92 (11:32:38 PM): on
nvr lose hope92 (11:32:39 PM): the
nvr lose hope92 (11:32:40 PM): ball
nvr lose hope92 (11:32:40 PM): to
nvr lose hope92 (11:32:41 PM): find
nvr lose hope92 (11:32:42 PM): you
nvr lose hope92 (11:32:42 PM): a
nvr lose hope92 (11:32:44 PM): boyfriend
nvr lose hope92 (11:32:44 PM): like
nvr lose hope92 (11:32:45 PM): him
nvr lose hope92 (11:32:46 PM): that
nvr lose hope92 (11:32:46 PM): is
nvr lose hope92 (11:32:47 PM): goregous
nvr lose hope92 (11:32:49 PM): athletic
nvr lose hope92 (11:32:53 PM): and gentleman-ey
TriGerAlandSlide (11:32:56 PM): please
TriGerAlandSlide (11:32:57 PM): do
TriGerAlandSlide (11:33:00 PM): and
TriGerAlandSlide (11:33:01 PM): get
TriGerAlandSlide (11:33:02 PM): back
TriGerAlandSlide (11:33:02 PM): to
TriGerAlandSlide (11:33:03 PM): me
TriGerAlandSlide (11:33:04 PM): asap
nvr lose hope92 (11:33:21 PM): kay, i will!
TriGerAlandSlide (11:33:32 PM): thank you
TriGerAlandSlide (11:33:36 PM): beautiful!!!!
nvr lose hope92 (11:33:47 PM): you are welcome goregous!

okay, i mean, really? how would i make it through life without my maygen lauren gibbons? oh right, i wouldn't.

i love her and miss her and i'm SO excited for go to school near me.

maygen lauren gibbons, i love you so much! :)

dissapointment in people...

hmm. I don't know what to say too much. I'm just dissapointed in people. but only certain people. and not because of something they did, but because of what they didn't do. which seems to be the case with me mostly. but i've also been surprised by certain people. ever since grandma died, it seems like the people i expected most to be there for me.. kinda, 'left'. not physically, just, aren't very supportive. they never ask how i am, is there anything they can do, or offer to lend an ear to listen or a shoulder to cry on. and those are the people i would have thought that would have offered it most. and it hurts. just.. its as if those people don't care. i know they do, and they probably don't even realize it, but.. it still hurts to think that they don't care enough to think about how its effecting me.

but maybe they do think about it, and just don't know how to talk about it. which i understand. but, i just wish they'd TELL me that. that the're uncomfy talking about suicide, or that they don't know what to say, or that i'm in their thoughts & prayers.

and then, the people that i thought would have never in a million years would have stepped up like they did, have. i would have never thought that i would be telling this person all the stuff i do. or that they'd have so much insight.

but, there is just people that haven't done ANYTHING. nothing. and it completely blew (and still does) me away. and when i make vauge refrences to it, they never say anything about it. just say 'oh okay' and go on, or make a joke about it, and never think twice.

out of all the stuff that happened since may 31st, what i've seen in these peope have surprised me the most.

welcome to senior year, how may i make your life as miserable as possible?

so, i know i've been a senior for over a week now, but its SUPER official today with all my friends becomming seniors.

so far, this is what i've learned.

1) the crazy person who writes the online A&P tests' do NOT use subject-verb agreement, anddddd the questions are most definately trick questions.
1a) they completely condricdt themselves, and i just wanna SCREAM and punch somebody.
2) that reading my A&P book will bring a flood of memories from mrs. julia and make me want to cry every time i read about mitosis & nucleous' & DNA.
3) my 'highschool' bio and chem books were WAY more fun. i love dr. jay wile more than whoever wrote these text books.
4) my world civ class ends 2 hours before the first state football game begins. yay.
5) stress factor is at an all time high
6) teachers are complete douchebags.

Dear God, one word. Graduation. Amen.

its never too late . . .

i always meant to blog about this, but never did. and now feels like a good time to do so.

a really really good friend of mine (who means the world to me) wrote this. its acutally about leyton, but its so much more than just 2 fictional characters. to me, at least.

"To her, he's the man who somehow got her to let go of all those reasons she'd convinced herself not to fall for someone. He convinced her that she's deserving of her own happiness, and there's nothing wrong with doing something for herself.

He convinced her that love doesn't have to hurt, and maybe not everyone is going to break her heart."

isn't it amazing? okay. so. at the time i was waiting for that 'someone'. i found him now. :) either way, its still absolutely terrifying. what if it doesn't work out? i'll have my heart broken and just dieeeee like all my friends have. i've lost so many people that were so close to my heart, i was afraid to let somebody else in, when tehre was a chance that they could leave too. so i kept myself from even thinking about love. thinking about falling. nothing was worth it, i decided i had rather "never loved than to loved and to have lost" because i knew the hurt from losing loved ones. grandma godwin. mr. gearld. phoebe. (yes, that was my dog)mrs. julia. grandma bailey. sooo influincial in my life, in sooo many ways. everytime i would finally get over someone dying, something else would happen.. and i had just decided that there was no need to willingly sign myself up for more hurt. besides, who really finds their soulmate at age 16 anyway? but i've heard lyrics all my life that always stuck out to me, from Lee Ann Womack's "i hope you dance".

loving might be a mistake but its worth making

so i was like, aw, thats sweet. but it always stuck with me, always in the back of my mind.

&then i read what she wrote. and we all know who she is, but i'm gonna say it cause i can. sheena marie casselman. [or is it cassleman? i think casselman. idk. FREAKING CANADIAN NAMES!] ANYWAYYYYY! she wrote it. and it was my facebook status for a year. because i thought, even tho this is like, 'fake', somebody believes that there is someone worth taking that risk for. someone who will show her that not everybody is gonna break her heart. that happiness doesn't have to come from a funny joke, or a certain 4 legged creature. someone to make her want to let go of all those reasons.

somebody believes this. somebody knows that loving might be a mistake, but its dang worth making.

she gave me hope. hope that there could be somebody out there. that someone was out there. and not to give up on all men. even tho track record's showed otherwise, to keep going.

so, with my newfound hope, i was like, 'alright. i'm not gonna look, but i'm not so .. against the thought of love.' so thats what i did. i just went along, thinking that everything happened for a reason, and if something happened it would happen. on its on, without me being little miss flirt, oooor begging anybody. if he came along, he would come along.

well lets just say he came along..

saturday <3

so. yesterday was saturday. a SMAZING day. here's what happened & why it was so amazing.

1) i had wanted to go to raleigh to get a new state shirt for the meet the pack day, next saturday. mom said i could go as long as somebody went with me. everybody was busy tho.
2) so we decided to go to mortex. i run into him there! he asks why i'm not going to raleigh. i told him why. he said he would take me. so, off we go.
3) i get to raleigh. go in alumni hall. get an adorable black shirt with NC State & mr. wuf on it. then we get ice cream cones. half way through, we trade. so predictable. anyway. we walk to the car, and its raining. of course. so we kinda almost kiss in the rain. enough for my heart to go crazy though (:
4) get home. chilax. do nothing all afternoon.
5) start talking to sheena. talk to her pretty much all day. AH-mazing.
6) he 'shows' me how to light the grill. i let him teach me. even tho i've been lighting the grill for years.
7) we made our first dish together. slaw. i laughed more than i breathed, but oh well.
8) had our sexy dinner, which was veryyyyyyy good. go daddy for cooking delish steaks.
9) i got sick. so i went to sleep in his lap, woke up with a pillow underneath me, and he said some stuff to sheena that i'm still curious about.
10) we did nothing, again. i love nothing.
11) he had to leave. but before he left i got ambushed. :) only sheena knows what that means, but its okay.
12) we didn't say goodbye.

so that was amazing. :) &sheena was a hgue part of it, and i'm glad that she hates us for being so darn cute & perfect, and i'm very glad i could get away with murder with him. i still smile over it :)

summer recap: May

so... here goes a summer recap, starting with may. idk how this is ganna work, so hereeeee goes!

May:
-district V horse show! i had a ton of fun, got to see muh best fraaand, and show parker. yay!
-aqha open show: just a small open show that was aqha pointed. did really good!
-beach: yup, i went down there saturday afternoon and stayed til monday afternoon. my ONE beach trip this whole year. woooo.
-grandma died. thaaaats pretty much the 'hightlight' of my summer. everything has revolved around THAT.

so i can't think to too much more that happened in may.. aha, may 31st moste DEFF changed my life forever.

random thoughts..

I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me.

Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they've invented the lighter?

Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.

That's enough, Nickelback.

I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase "Regards" again.

Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.

There is a great need for sarcasm font.

Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the f*ck was going on when I first saw it.

I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.

The other night I hit a new low at an open bar. I had already hopped on highway blackout when, inevitably I had to find a bathroom. Eventually I decided it was probably on the other side of the bar so I tried to walk over there, but ran into a guy coming the other way. We played that, Both go left, Both go right game to no avail, so I finally put out my hand to guide myself past and that's is when I realized, yup, that's a mirror I just tried to walk through. And the guy on the other side is me. Even cats can recognize their own image.

How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.

A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.

Was learning cursive really necessary?

Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".

I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.

My brother's Municipal League baseball team is named the Stepdads. Seeing as none of the guys on the team are actual stepdads, I inquired about the name. He explained, "Cuz we beat you, and you hate us." Classy, bro.

Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".

How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?

I love the sense of camaraderie when a n entire line of cars teams up to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!

Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in' examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and said "Yes that's G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies"

What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?

While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.

MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.

Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

I would like to officially coin the phrase 'catching the swine flu' to be used as a way to make fun of a friend for hooking up with an overweight woman. Example: "Dave caught the swine flu last night."

I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

Bad decisions make good stories

Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!

Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?

If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.

Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem....

You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.

Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.

There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

"Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.

I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?'

While watching the Olympics, I find myself cheering equally for China and USA. No, I am not of Chinese descent, but I am fairly certain that when Chinese athletes don't win, they are executed.

I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damnit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day.. What a waste.

When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.

I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.

Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...

As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.

I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

I think that if, years down the road when I'm trying to have a kid, I find out that I'm sterile, most of my disappointment will stem from the fact that I was not aware of my condition in college.

Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.

Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...

My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?

It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.

I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.

I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.

The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimate d that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There's nothing like being made to feel like a fat bastard before dinner.